Craccum is a publication of many talents. Quality and reliable journalism, gorgeous illustrations, unsolvable crosswords riddled with typos—you name it, we’ve got it. With internship season underway, we’re becoming a better version of CDES by providing you with an impossibly real mock interview simulation. Haters will say it’s fake! Complete this quiz to find out how you’ll do in your next Zoom interrogation session—we mean interview.
What kind of uni student are you?
A. I basically live on campus. I’m married to my extracurriculars. My side hoe is uni work.
B. I watch all my lectures online, at 2x speed always. Deadlines are rough guidelines. Exams are optional.
C. My lecturers love me. They’re always talking about how I was born for this internship. Did I mention that already?
D. My degree is pretty much just a four-year long networking event to connect with other ridiculously successful people.
What makes you better than the other candidates?
A. My excellent work ethic. I’m the leader of six university organisations, three charities, one tech start-up, and in 2021 I fundraised $50,000 for naked mole-rat conservation groups.
B. My outlook on life. I’m here for a good time, not a long time.
C. I’m willing to do anything to get this internship. And I mean ANYTHING to save my job prospects. Do you want my second kidney? No? Can I at least add you on LinkedIn?
D. Am I original? Yeah. Am I the only one? Yeah. Am I sexual? Yeah. Am I everything you need? Yeah.
What are your weaknesses?
A. I’m just too hard-working. I just don’t know how to relax. Going on holiday? You’re talking about a 70-hour work week right?
B. I’m chronically late. Usually by hours, sometimes days. My ex once described me as the human personification of a participation award.
C. I have no weaknesses, I just have strengths in-the-making.
D. I’m impossible to replace. Once I finish this internship, the company is going downhill. Mark my words.
Why do you want to work for us?
A. I’m interested in making the world a better place!
B. Money. Also to add a few lines to my CV, which is giving tumbleweed in the desert at the moment.
C. Who wouldn’t want to get into the best internship humanity has ever experienced? That’s the real question, am I right hahaha…
D. You guys should feel honoured that I even applied. That was five minutes I could’ve spent at the golf course striking million dollar business deals.
Tell us about a time when you worked with someone you didn’t get along with. How did you handle this situation?
A. I become besties with everyone I meet. It’s impossible not to consider me as your inspirational role model.
B. Some people just aren’t on the same wavelength as you and that’s okay bro. I just focus on the good vibes.
C. Uh, how’d I do on the previous questions? Do you want to see my letters of recommendation folder? I brought it with me! Do you want me to ring my referee right now?
D. The only people I don’t click with are jealous insecure losers. If that situation occurs, I instantly move on and find alpha males to network with instead.
The Results
Mostly As: Thank you for taking the time to submit an application. While our team was impressed by your skills and achievements, we are unable to advance you to the final phase of the selection process. If future openings are available and suitable, we will reach out again.
Mostly Bs: No rejection email ever arrived in your email inbox. You were completely ghosted by the internship.
Mostly Cs: Unfortunately, you did not make it to the next step of the application process. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours.
Mostly Ds: Thank you for your interest in our internship programme. After careful consideration of your application, we have decided to pursue other candidates whom we feel align more closely with the requirements of the intern position.
