The dating app realm is full of strange characters. You’ve got horndogs that just wanna have fun, junkies looking for their next hit of external validation, old-fashioned romantics desperately searching for ‘the one’, and the bored profile-swipers. Chaotic mish-mash of personalities aside, every app also comes with its own vibe. Complete the quiz below to find out which dating app you most resemble.
What’s your most major red flag?
A. Probably my commitment issues and ability to suck the moisture out of any convo.
B. Settling for toxic people, and my chronic dependency on external validation.
C. Falling head over heels for anyone that shows me the slightest bit of attention.
D. Call me a material girl, but I just appreciate and seek the finer things in life.
What’s your most major green flag?
A. I always know how to have a good time.
B. My ability to hand out infinite second chances, and making sure everyone is taken care of.
C. My vivid imagination and being able to romanticise any situation.
D. My unstoppable drive. I know what I want, and I get what I want.
It’s a Friday night. What are you doing?
A. Probably you.
B. I’m free. What do you want to do?
C. Watching a rom-com and crying over my non-existent love life.
D. Working… But for you, baby, anything.
What do you look for in a partner?
A. I’m on the lookout for an absolute catch—the bigger the fish they’re holding in all of their photos, the better.
B. The bare minimum. But extra brownie points if they’re respectful and/or hygienic.
C. Someone that will cuff me the fuck up—with a ring, not handcuffs!
D. Six-digit salaries and above. Someone that’s not afraid to spoil me.
Your bedsheets are…
A. Plain scratchy ones that I got from Kmart.
B. Organic cotton. I gotta protect my skin and the environment
C. Sheets from my childhood, or whatever my parents bought me.
D. Silk. Sexy, sexy silk.
What’s your love language?
A. Physical touch.
B. Words of Affirmation.
C. Quality Time.
D. Receiving Gifts.
Answers
Mostly As: Tinder
You probably think you give off big dick energy, but all you are is a walking ick. At best, you’re efficient, blunt, and convenient. Although you’re always DTF, and your Snapchat score is in the seven digits (who still uses this app at this age?), you ain’t fishing anyone with those grainy-ass thirst trap pics, or festival photos that require Sherlock Holmes to figure out who you are in the group.
Mostly Bs: Bumble
Oh humble Bumble. You give so much, and yet receive so little in return. Dating for you is straight-up philanthropy at this point. But, it’s time to stop scraping the bottom of the barrel. Know your worth, raise that bar from the depths of hell, and stop settling for the barest of bare minimums.
Mostly Cs: Hinge
You’re like Tinder, but the softboy/softgirl version. As an emotional thirst trap connoisseur, you prefer to show-off your dog, rather than your washboard abs or juicy badonkadonk. You’re also not afraid to profess your undying love for a stranger with your arsenal of ‘ironically’ corny pick-up lines. But, behind your carefully crafted cool persona, you’re just a downbad hopeless romantic like the rest of us, desperately looking for someone to watch movies with on a Sunday night.
Mostly Ds: SeekingArrangements
In this crumbling economy and cost-of-living crisis, we absolutely respect the material girl hustle. You know exactly what you’re looking for, and if a special sugar daddy/mummy can provide that for you, that sounds like the ideal arrangement to us. Honestly, you’re the only one who’s winning in the dating game. Catching feelings and falling in love only ever ends in hurt and trauma, but $$$ has always got your back.
