I’m so sick of the broke student trope. It’s a complete myth. A pathetic excuse we all throw around to justify our laziness. The reason why we live paycheck to paycheck isn’t because of our bullshit capitalist system that only privileges a select few at the expense and exploitation of the majority, it’s obviously because we aren’t hustling and grinding enough. Notice how the people sprouting poor people propaganda are the same ones without Teslas and absurd amounts of disposable income? The maths adds up. If we all have 24 hours in a day, being poor is absolutely a choice.
As Kim Kardashian once famously said, “Get your fucking ass up and work! It seems like nobody wants to work these days”—the key to getting rich and ahead in life is hard work. How else do you think Kim and the rest of her family became self-made billionaires? Without their tireless labour posting Instagram selfies for million-dollar brand deals that advertise appetite suppressant lollipops and laxative teas to vulnerable young girls, the Kardashians would also be nobodies, just like the rest of us.
The rich and wealthy are also diligent with their time. They squeeze out every ounce of every day, leaving no minute left to waste. Do you think Bill Gates scrolls on TikTok every night for two hours? Does Elon Musk game his night away on Discord with the boys? I think not. However, the sheer self-discipline these old white men yield did not just develop overnight. The foundation of all long-term success begins with the mundane—our everyday routine. How we start our morning dictates the tone for the rest of the day. While most of us haven’t extracted enough capital from the labouring masses to be the next Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg, we can still implement the habits of these successful white men into our daily study routines. Adopt the following routine and you’ll be on your way to making 10 digits!
All billionaires wake up ridiculously early. Why else is it called RISE and grind? Whether you’ve got two or 15 things on your agenda to complete that day, your ass better be out of bed when your Rolex watch chimes at 4 am. There’s just something inherently ego-inflating being up before the birds have begun to chirp. Open your curtains and bask in your supremacy…
Now that you’re bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 4 am, DON’T YOU DARE REACH FOR THAT PHONE. Scrolling mindlessly and checking your messages is for THE POOR. The conditioning of our minds to be addicted to the online world is just another mechanism capitalists devised to keep workers from revolting. But you’re not a brainwashed cog in the machine, you’re its operator. AND OPERATORS MEDITATE. So, whip out that yoga mat and zone straight into a state of mental calm.
After about half an hour of meditation, you have fulfilled your zen quota for the day. Now, it’s time to activate your passion and drive for economic exploitation through having ALPHA THOUGHTS. After all, you can’t build monopolies with an empty brain! So, what makes an ALPHA thought different from your average Joe thought? For starters, they are aggressively masculine. Think thoughts that ignite your primal need to hunt and outperform your competitors. Envision your handsome self sitting on a throne of cash while your workers pee in bottles because toilet breaks aren’t allowed in your factory. Imagine the bitches fawning by your sides as you strut into campus with the JUICIEST crypto stocks bursting in that fat wallet of yours. Whatever you are ALPHA THNKING to feed your superiority complex, girly thoughts are strictly off-limits—there’s a reason why women only make up 9% of the world’s billionaires.
Woo! Now that you’ve manifested your billionaire desires, it’s time to kick off your day with the healthiest beverage all around—green tea. The brand or the grade of the green tea doesn’t matter, what’s most important is how you ‘customise’ your drink. Whether that’s sprinkling a little special white sugar or dropping in a spicy ‘Berocca’ pill, be sure to experiment until you find the perfect concoction to get your day going.
When you’re part of the top 1%, you’ll inevitably encounter some stress from time to time. But don’t let the haters (the working class) and their neverending grips get you down! The perfect way to blow off some steam before your busy jam-packed day is through working out. Head to the gym and punch the pain of being better than everyone else away! Or even better, practise with a boxing partner so you can work on dodging those uppercuts like you do with taxes!
We all know that money is power. Duh. But knowledge is too! Even though you’re already the most intelligent, resourceful, and creative entrepreneur on planet Earth—reading a chapter from a book every day is still a great habit. Just like people, some books are just better than others. So, make sure you only read books written by fellow finance bros or white male philosophers from the 17th century, who you can later quote in interviews to make yourself seem extra elite and intellectual!
Like Darwin’s natural selection, nepotism is just another way the system ensures the survival of the fittest. Although you’d much rather be spending time with your side hoes than your kid named X Æ A-Xii, try to at least sip your meal replacement shake with the family so your entrepreneurial genius can hopefully rub off on them. This quality bonding time will also help to humanise you a little—maybe it’ll even distract people away from your secret lizard identity!
Similarly to the tip above, it’s a good practice to channel your Mother Teresa every now and then. Push aside those greedy guts tendencies and engage in philanthropy—after all, it does wonders for your public image! Work on (eventually) making a donation to a well-established charity to cash in that good PR, or even better, create your own charitable foundation to divert media attention away from your illicit criminal activities like that dodgy connection to a high profile convicted sex offender. Besides, showing a little :((( to all those poor people suffering at your feet is such a great daily reminder of your success and power. There’s no such thing as too many ego boosts now is there?