How your insecurities can impact your sex life
Are they looking at my chubby belly? Am I too hairy? Does my weight turn them off? What if I can’t get it up? What if they think my flat chest or flat butt is weird? I don’t have a thigh gap. Is that ok? What if they find it gross? What if they think my dick is small? What if I can’t figure out what hole to put it in? Are they looking at my stretch marks?
These are some of the questions we often ask ourselves leading up to sex. Being so vulnerable and showing all of ourselves is so intimidating. When it comes to sex, to get the full experience, you have to feel comfortable being naked with the other person. I know, common sense, right? But being this vulnerable is really hard when you don’t fully accept your body or if there are things you’d like to change.
From Barbie dolls to superheroes, these popular figurines have shown us what we ought to look like—and it’s unrealistic. How many people do you know that actually looks like a Barbie doll with long skinny legs, big boobs, skinny waist and flawless skin? And how many people do you know actually look like a superhero with huge muscles and perfectly toned abs? Everyone has their insecurities, and when it comes to sex, these insecurities can make things more difficult.
Being insecure about your body when it comes to sex is completely natural. These insecurities can get overwhelming sometimes. It can cause us to avoid vulnerability and make moments of intimacy uncomfortable.
Firstly, under no circumstance should the person you are sleeping with make you feel insecure or uncomfortable. To have the best experience, feeling comfortable and safe with your partner and being fully vulnerable with them can increase your pleasure, arousal as well as the chance of having an orgasm. Being comfortable with your partner can allow you to have fun and enjoy yourself. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. You shouldn’t feel ashamed or anxious.
The best thing to do when your insecurity is affecting your ability to have sex or be fully present is to talk to someone about it. Talk to someone you feel safe with. If you talk to your friends about it, they may reassure you and share their own insecurities. If you talk to your partner about it, they may tell you that it doesn’t bother them or that they never even noticed your insecurity. If you speak to someone about how these insecurities are affecting your sex life, then you may be able to find some clarity and/or someone to relate to.
Everyone looks different, which means it’s impossible for everyone to fit into society’s concept of the “perfect body”. Your value doesn’t come from the size of your boobs or the size of your dick. It doesn’t come from how flat your stomach is or whether your muscles are toned.
There are Tiktok videos about why people go to the gym, saying they go to look good during sex. We are obsessed with the idea of looking good during sex. But here’s the truth, sex isn’t about your appearance. Yes, physical attraction plays a role in sexual arousal, but do you really want to change how you look for somebody to find you sexually attractive? If someone will only have sex with you if you look a certain way, ditch them. It’s not worth it and won’t help your insecurities. If anything, it will just strengthen your beliefs about how you need to change yourself for people to find you sexually attractive.