I may be unintentionally flirtatious and up for some banter, but I am so over being hit on by men. Maybe it was silly of me to think that short hair and tattoos would be enough to show the baby queer in me—but clearly not. Despite being attracted to the person and not the gender, I find myself gravitating to cis men. There are just so many of them, but could I just not? Here’s a list of the challenges I’ve faced being ‘straight-presenting’ and things I’ve done to counteract my straight presentation.
Owning rainbow coloured clothes but never wearing them
I have a drawer reserved for all the rainbow-coloured items I own. Socks. Tights. Shirts. Jumpers. I have it all. I once accidentally wore a multi-coloured tie-dye top with a cap that had a rainbow on it. My sister said, “you look so gay, I love it!” Despite the many times I’ve tried to wear them, I could never live up to that again. So, the drawer remains closed.
I have a sister who’s gayer than me, like “fuck off”
I’m all for empowering other people in the LGBTQIA+ community, but this is getting out of hand. It’s difficult when there’s more than one queer child in the family, but she’s the parents favourite little bitch. Although she dealt with her recent break-up with her long-term girlfriend well, I’m the one who convinced her to have a gay glow-up. At least give me some credit.
Having a hairdresser that tells you “short hair doesn’t suit your face.”
Buzzing my hair was the best experience of my life. I loved everything about it, apart from all the haircuts. While the buzz cut was growing out, I started going to a barber. But you add short hair to a person with tits and they flip out. I had a square head for a little over a year. Now I go to a way-too-expensive hairdresser who lets me know how much short hair doesn’t suit me. I don’t know what she wants me to do with that. So, I shove it up my ass.
Button-ups: a clear signal that something queer is going on
There’s a lot to be said about how we dress. The choice of colour or cut can be a hard decision to make, but if you’re a straight-presenting queer like me, you’ve got the button-up option which honestly just screams LGBTQIA+. If you choose the right one, perfect collar and all—you will be the sexiest queer around. Buttoned-up or not, it has many styles. So, if you want to send some more of those subtle hints to your crush, wear a button-up!
Abandoning the typical method of ‘coming out’ altogether
Usually coming out is the first step of introducing your sexuality to the world, or maybe the last. But whether it’s the first thing you do or not, it can be awkward. Even when I came out to my parents, their way of telling me they were proud was with jokes. “Are you attracted to pans?” is both funny and unique, not. Now, I have the problem of coming out to people I’ve met at Halls. Didn’t think I’d have to do that, but here we are. But instead of confronting it head on in a conversation (yuck), I’ve come up with some creative ways to do it instead. I’ve become a queer bandit, slipping pride flags under people’s doors—signed, yours truly. As well as using the Confessions Page to fulfill my queer agenda. Am I playing the long game or just avoiding it?