What aesthetic should you try out? Settling in Alert Level 2, let’s start brushing our hair, flossing and showering more than once a week. It’s a new era baby. And it’s time to upgrade your look.
Aries, Scene kid.
Pull out your ‘Rawr I’m a dinosaur’ t-shirt and give it a spin. Pair with skinny jeans, bright colored clothing, a hairstyle consisting of straight, flat hair with long fringes covering their forehead, and bright colored hair dye. You are ready to bring back MySpace.
Song: Cruel by Dane Rumble.
There are strange happenings about. Ghostly phenomena on floppy disk, neon, pvc, colour blocking to a new extreme, Black-and-monochromatic juxtaposition. BEEP BEEEP BOOP BOOP everything is a simulation.
Song: Crimewave by Crystal Castles.
Gemini, Central Otago farmer:
Shake out the hunting and fishing jacket, thick orange socks, low buttoned checkered blouse, thick body hair, gentle smile, and gumboots. You’ve got sheep shearers in one hand, a beer in the other, and my heart nestled in between.
Song: Cheeky Kids by Marlins Dreaming.
Cancer, Dark Academia:
Go to the library bitch it’s dead poets society time. Musty opshop brown blazer, wet loafers, preppy but scruffy, carrying a copy of Janet Frame, The Secret History or a BWB text. Oh and mysterious smoulder thinking often about existentialism, death, social class and romance. Scribble that into your moleskine.
Song: The Beigeness by Kate Tempest.
Leo, Basic shore bitch:
Birks or white reeboks, karen walker necklace, Ruby bracelet with those fucking stars, glassons ruffle skirt and lululemon sports bra. Watermelon cruiser and mini coop. The thing is… I tried so hard to be you. But who am I kidding.
Song: White teeth teens by Lorde.
Virgo, National party:
That exact shade of Crisp blue. Who is Todd Muller? Show us your tight smile, nervous shifting eyes, gelled hair, shiny bald head, and most importantly… top 12 white MP. Who is Todd Muller? Who is he?
Song: Lose yourself by Eminem.
You’ve taken a Gingham table cloth and turned it into a dress or shorts. Sourdough in right hand, picnic basket in left, carrying home brined olives. Renaissance paintings, white blouses and lace. Timothee Chalamet is that you? Cozy, bunches of hand picked flowers, and farmers markets. Perfectly artisanal and manufactured.
Song: Bloom by The Paper Kites.
Scorpio, 21st Century Neo-Dadaism:
You are trying to overturn traditional bourgeois notions of art. Basically… Meme culture? Except sending memes instead of actually asking how someone is/to flirt isn’t really a personality.
“Neo-Dada simultaneously mocked and celebrated consumer culture, united opposing conventions of abstraction and realism, and disregarded boundaries between media through experimentation with assemblage, performance, and other hybrid fusions.” Wikipedia
Fuck who knows?? U make collages and scream about capitalism?
Song: The Call Me Tiago (Her name is Margo) by Tiagz.
Big face paint, red nose, multi colored puffy hair, tear tattoo under the right eye, spooky squeak squeak shoes, helium balloon, and dad jokes. Half assed attempts at learning a mihi, tells you, “my neighbour was chinese!!’ as an excuse.
Possible career path: politician, landlord or senior management at a tertiary institution.
Song: Clap Clap Sound by The Klaxons.
SQUARES, RECTANGLES, RHOMBUS, I LOVE 90 DEGREE ANGLES, OR LESS OR MORE SOMETIMES, HMM AVANT-GARDE. MULTIPLE VIEWPOINTS AND PICASSO. ABSTRACTION. FOLD YOURSELF INTO A CARDBOARD BOX, AND CALL IT A DAY.
Song: Locomotive by Thelonious Monk
Geeky but sexy, true survivors of this lock down: they’ve been earning income on the internet long before the rest of us, ssk ssk, parted dyed hair and striped shirts, lingerie and winged eyeliner. Elements of kawaii: but goth. Fake freckles.
Song: Cha Cha by Freddie Dredd
Pisces: Vapour wave
Lots of pink and purple, swimming pools and sunsets? Early Internet imagery, late 1990s web design, glitch art, and cyberpunk tropes, Greco-Roman statues, and 3D-rendered objects. VHS degradation. A deadpan recontextualization of corporations. I mean that’s what you’re telling me… but isn’t it just cuz it looks cool?
Song: Throwaway (with Clairo) by SG Lewis.