Reject modernity, embrace tradition
Childhood movies, games, and songs aren’t the only things we’re nostalgic for—after countless lockdowns and a still ongoing pandemic, we’ve missed having a good boogie on the dance floor and we’re sure you have too. Of course, for some of you who are just getting back into the clubbing scene, it can be a bit daunting to figure out what you need to do to stay hip with the kids. But why go through the trouble of learning new moves when you can just revert back to the old moves we all know and love? With this list of sweet moves, we’ll have you back on the dance floor cutting shapes like it’s the 2010s again.
When we googled “crumping” we experienced a rude awakening. It turns out that it’s actually “krumping” and it refers to a whole style of dance, not just one move. Quick, someone tell our nine-year-old selves that we were doing it wrong at the school dance. Some of the young ones might have missed out on this, as it was already gone by the time our ancient asses were in Intermediate. But the “crumping” of our childhood involved popping a shallow squat, bending your elbows out, and then pumping your fists quickly toward your chest while you move your whole spine in an approximation of cat-cow. Injuries are common with this one, so watch out.
Ah, this move is synonymous with the LMFAO era of music, may it rest in peace. We can still hear that incredibly irritating electronic hook stuck in our heads if we concentrate. Let’s be real, this one has given us nothing but worn-out sneakers and eardrum-splitting squeak noises across floors. But one positive is that if you’re shuffling, you’ll already be slowly backing out of whatever social situation you’re in. Once you’ve shuffled back far enough, you can run out of the door and away from the people who saw you do that.
Are you always on the lookout for free ways to boost dopamine? Let flossing bring you back to simpler times when your biggest concern was nailing this dance for your next school assembly. You should think of dancing—not oral hygiene—when someone says flossing. It’s not excessively erotic nor complicated, just innocent and happy. Try it again, and you’ll soon be unironically flossing your worries away on the dance floor.
So, a bit of a flex: Gabbie learned the dougie at a Justin Bieber concert. During his My World 2.0 tour in 2010, he had this little segment with the Jabbawockeez teaching a bunch of teen girls how to dougie. Looking back, it is so much easier to learn the move on TikTok from a grandad than a whole professional dance crew on stage. It’s actually such a cool looking move, because it just looks like the music flows through your body, and you don’t need much coordination, you just need to know how to go low enough… and it doesn’t take up too much space on the dance floor.
The Hoedown Throwdown
Say what you will, but this is such a bop. Yes, it’s a song, but Miley Cyrus popularised the song and dance simultaneously! She’s so slay. This is the dance that taught us coordination. Plus, you only really dance this in the duration of the song, so there’s no awkward fade of not knowing when to stop, or change dance moves. There’s an obvious stop, and after you do this you can opt out of other numbers, because this was a whole sequence. All the it-baes do it.
This move will throw you back to the good ol’ primary school days, when we did the sprinkler on the dance floor of the school disco for the shits’n’gigs and Le Snak was still a thing. If you’re a DJ, you might do this on the regular since the move looks pretty similar to clutching a headphone to one ear and spinning a disk with your other hand. If you wanna be subtle about it, that’s the way to do it. We wouldn’t recommend going too hard on this move though, you might end up accidentally pulling something in your neck.