Ever thought about how cool it would be to own a flying car? Or an assistant robot that can do everything for you? How about tech that lets you transmit your thoughts into commands for your devices?
While these are all in the cards (seriously) within the next few decades, the science world has already been busy producing some interesting—and weird—inventions. I’ve collected some of the most recent developments in tech for your viewing interest. Enjoy this collation of strange devices accompanied by my very humble and totally cynical judgements.
6/10: Problems were solved. Important ones? Hmmmm.
For all you gaming addicts (and I know you’re there), this one’s for you. No more unbroken hours of screen time interrupted or even inconvenienced by hyperhidrosis. By housing a tiny fan that blows cool air onto your palms, this mouse can take care of your most dire gaming needs.
4/10: No it’s not just because it’s Samsung.
Whilst I admire the casual nod to older technology (90s I know, but shh I was born in 02), this phone kind of takes the worst of both worlds in its design. It loses the retro look of those flip phones and combines modernity with a strange feature that, to be honest, has no real need in today’s world. Maybe it’ll take off, but I find the concept of pressing my phone screen together rather unsettling.
0/10: That’s rich people bullshit.
What a life-changer! Every time I’m finished watching TV I’m like “damn! I wanna see the wall behind this thing now! What a waste of space! If only I could get rid of it completely while I’m not using it”. I’m sure you’ve thought the same. Good news for us, for the low, low price of $100,000 your TV will hide itself from view—for all the obvious reasons you would want that.
10/10: I love dogs and this deserves nothing less.
Don’t spend enough time with your dog? Always at work or uni? Good news for you, now you can see, talk to, and feed your dog while you’re away! Don’t worry about how your dog will process receiving love from a you-sounding robot, or the absolute ease with which one might knock this machine down, just think about the positives! Now you never have to address your attachment issues! You also won’t need to worry about having a dog sitter, ‘cause why pay someone to do what you can now do on your phone? Good idea, tech people!
7/10: Points ‘cause its kinda funky, some lost bc fucking rich people.
When it comes to innovation, absolutely no task is left unimproved and teeth brushing is no exception. While it may not seem like there’s much more we can do with this, scientists have developed a toothbrush equipped with sensors that “map out” where in your mouth you missed while brushing. It’ll let you know if you’re brushing too hard and at risk of injury. Thank God for that. Get yours now for a sweet $250 and watch all your dental problems melt away!
9/10: -1 point for the physical design choice.
Want a pet but live in an apartment? I feel that. Now you can have one! And what’s more, it’ll be specifically designed to bring the same joy as a real pet. Except for some reason it doesn’t have a head. I guess that makes sense—how would genuine animal resemblance make it seem more like a pet? But to their credit, it won’t bite, or bark, and it also won’t try to take over when the robots gain awareness. In other words, it’s a city landlord’s wet dream for these to become the new norm. Let’s hope it wasn’t programmed to shed or pee on the carpet, though. Maybe you can keep an eye on it using your Furbo Dog Camera.