The greatest mistake of the United States will be written down as many different things, all valid in their deliberations on the monstrous follies of that demonic nation. However, I propose one true answer to be recorded in the chronicles of history as thus: “And in its greatest failure, America never truly took up the siren call of Kylie Minogue, whose immeasurable gifts passed over that once hopeful nation in 2002, never to return.”
“In Your Eyes”, chosen to be her representative track on the Singstar Pop selection in 2004-2005, is one of Kylie’s best. It embodies the rainbow futurism in vogue at the turn of the millennium, alluring in all of its brightness and sleek production, while still retaining the sex kitten optimism that has characterised her career for over 30 years. If that sounds pretentious as fuck – which it is – then let me dial it back a notch. Let me put it in the clearest possible terms. Kylie fucking rules, and in the video for this banger, she is serving cunt in every possible direction, in a way that boring singing-in-italics faux-anaemic little dwarf stars of today can never aspire to emulate, much less surpass. Sweating with all their efforts to synthesise the sheer brilliance of Kylie, the way an alchemist might try to make a mockery of man by creating a homunculus in a flask, they will never succeed. “Wow! Five stars! Ketamine was made for this song!”
