Welcome to Craccum, where we put the “agony” in “agony aunt.” We’re not qualified to deal with your problems, but neither are you.
For our final edition of Who Asked You (sad reacts only), Craccum’s foul-mouthed and utterly-devoid-of-common-sense Agony Aunt decided to bring it home with the people that make it all possible. These questions are from the Craccum editorial team – turns out, they’re just as bonkers as me.
What do I do with my life after Craccum?
(Cameron Leakey, Co-Editor)
Here’s an alternative plan; stay at University forever because reality is scary, eventually die in HSB, and never leave Craccum. Boom, problem solved. No wonder you gave me a column, I’m clearly a fucking genius.
I had a dream two nights ago that I was loitering around Dawn Freshwater’s house and instead of a guard dog she had a fuckin emperor penguin watching over her house and it charged at me with its big beak. Dream analysis pls.
(Eda Tang, Visual Arts Editor)
Possible things that this could mean include:
- You really need to stop drinking coffee before bed.
- Emperor Penguins are fed the fuck up with having their habitats destroyed, and they want Revenge.
- You are psychic, and Dawn Freshwater is at this very moment ordering an Emperor Penguin to come via courier to be her new protector.
What size garage are you looking at if you need a big mack truck parked?
(Brian Gu, Lifestyle Editor)
Little. Tiny, wee, miniscule. Infinitesimal. Generally small in length, width and depth. Although, you’ll want to make sure it has enough room to back, otherwise the pull-out game will be weak.
What are some inventive ways I can convince my boyfriend to pretty please buy me a PS5?
(Lachlan Mitchell, Arts Editor)
