Welcome to Craccum, where we put the “agony” in “agony aunt.” We’re not qualified to deal with your problems, but neither are you.
How do I get a W.A.P for my man?
1. Stick a hose up your hoo-ha.
2. Fuck in the bath
3. Think about Chris Evans as Captain America
4. Think about Scarlett Johannsson as Black Widow
5. Cry, and use your tears as lube.
Side note: isn’t it your man’s job to cause your P. to be W.A.? This seems a question he should ask.
I was in a zoom call and I thought I was on mute but I wasn’t on mute and I farted. I know that everyone heard it and I died a little bit inside and immediately left the call. How can I ever come back from this?
You can’t. You have to drop out.
My flatmates keep having really loud sex at night and it’s keeping me up. How do I (politely and non-awkwardly) ask them to keep it down so I can get a good night’s rest in?
Every time you hear them start up, go right outside their door and bark really loudly. Make sure it’s as aggressive as possible. Wait until they fall silent, wondering what the fuck you’re doing, and then stop. When they start again, do the same. Repeat until they get the message.
Alternatively, burn the house down. That should fix the problem (though it may create a new one – do you know a good arson lawyer?)
How do you keep on track with watching lectures?!?!
I mean, I don’t. I asked my friend who actually does, and she said you’re supposed to have a schedule and take frequent breaks. I’ve got the second one down at least.
CRACCUM’S CRACKIN’ TIP:
Give us a fucking grade bump.
