Welcome to Craccum, where we put the “agony” in “agony aunt.” We’re not qualified to deal with your problems, but neither are you.
I am in love with my tutor to the point I fantasise about what our life would be like together. She’s such a dream and her passion for the course is unbelievably attractive but alas, she is my Tutor (!!!!!) and also 7 years older than me. How do I get over this (especially since I see her over zoom every week)?
Don’t go to your zoom classes. Boom, solved. This advice thing is EASY.
How to actually be in a relationship?
STEP ONE: Locate a human of your choosing.
STEP TWO: Engage them in the process of social discussion.
STEP THREE: Invite them to your dwelling to consume a meal or beverage (or, if you are feeling wild, both).
STEP FOUR: Ask them to be in a relationship.
STEP FIVE: They said no. You feel worthless. You curl up in bed and watch Captain America: The Winter Soldier. “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line” – you weep uncontrollably. You go to get McDonalds at three in the fucking morning. Sink slowly into the abyss with a mouthful of chicken nuggets. Eat the cold nugs for breakfast the next day.
(This is absolutely not based on a true story from my life, and how dare you insinuate as much).
CRACCUM’S CRACKIN’ TIP:
Hey lecturers of UoA, it’s me again. How’re the kids? Anyway, I just wanted to ask you to please slow down in your recorded lectures. I know lockdown is stressful, but for the love of Buddha, it’s not a race to the end. How are lectures getting longer when you’re talking like Quagmire from Family Guy? No disrespect intended, you’re all legends for moving online so quickly. Just please, I beg thee, for the sake of my sanity, breathe between sentences.