Welcome to Craccum, where we put the “agony” in “agony aunt.”
We’re not qualified to deal with your problems, but neither are you.
Why is university so full of drama…thought that was supposed to be high school?
Have you checked your major? Maybe you accidentally picked theatre…*
For once, the solution to this is actually really easy! Don’t hang out with dramatic people. As you astutely observed, we’re not in high school anymore. You’re not obligated to be friends with anyone. If someone is draining and dramatic and you don’t like being around them, then don’t fuckin be around them. Wow, I can’t believe I just gave actual advice in this stupid column; truly these are the strangest of times.
*Craccum formally apologises to Ellen DeGeneres, Bo Burnham, and the other gods of comedy for desecrating their religion with this heinous wordplay.
One of my flatmates keeps eating my food without asking me. How do I get back at her? Please keep in mind I’m not a very confrontational person, so the more passive aggressive the revenge, the better.
Stab her while she sleeps Have an honest, frank and respectful discussion about boundaries in relationships (poison the food and leave it for her as bait).
(EDIT: Craccum has informed me that we legally cannot advocate for murder. Despite my assertions that we do so illegally, they insist that this is ‘immoral.’)
I’ve slid into a stranger’s DMs during lockdown, but we’re running in circles in conversation because we can’t meet up. What should I do?
As you can see, your situation is on the list. Therefore, you have to just wait it out until all this is over. No way can you get to know someone via DM in the middle of a pandemic. Patience, padawan.
