It’s nearly exam time. The stakes are high and the motivation is low. Uni can be stressful at the best of times, and during exam time it can leave you wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. Unfortunately, some of us don’t have the superhuman ability to hold it in until we’re home in bed. Sometimes, you just gotta let it out in public. Thankfully, I am somewhat of an expert on the subject. Here are my favourite places to have a breakdown in (relative) privacy.
Probably my least favourite location, but also a popular one. Almost none of the locks work so you’re guaranteed to have some drunk girl barge in on you. She and all her friends will then attempt to comfort you while you search desperately for an escape route.
Top floor of the library, in between the aisles
Hardly anyone ever goes up there. It’s so empty it feels almost haunted. Sometimes you want the claustrophobic comfort of having a row of books on either side of you. Pro tip: although the lights automatically turn on when you enter an aisle, if you sit still enough they’ll turn off. Then you can sit in a darkened corner like the ghost of Gen Lib, ready to scare the shit out of any student brave enough to wander those dusty corridors.
In a bush in Albert Park
Albert park is lovely this time of year. The flowers are blooming, and the shrubbery is dense enough to conceal just about any activity, legal or otherwise. It’s also a great chance to fit in a walk.
Toilets near the medical centre
You go to the uni counsellor, ready to tackle your problems head on. You’re feeling upbeat, thinking ‘maybe I don’t need this anymore.’ Then your counsellor blindsides you by giving you an existential crisis ten minutes before the session ends. You want to sit there and process for a while, but the next patient is waiting impatiently outside the door. The disabled bathroom outside the health and counselling service is a great little box you can lock yourself in.
Under a blanket in Womenspace
Sorry fellas, this one’s for the ladies. At some point it was collectively decided that Womenspace was a place where people could sleep undisturbed. And sleep, they do. They have long couches, plenty of pillows, and a handful of blankets. I have also seen people bring in their own sleeping bags, which is a real power move. There’s a real peaceful vibe there that makes it so easy to lie down and sleep your troubles away. Maybe it’s the feminine energy…?
Toilets near the law lockers
Another eerily isolated location, these bathrooms are so remote you could be screaming bloody murder and no one would hear you. They’re so remote, in fact, that someone decided they needed to install a panic button in case someone actually does get murdered down there. Comforting. Also they’re clean as hell.
If your whole face is wet, nobody can see the tears </3