Each week, our resident sports columnist Omni Arona tries to justify wasting his life watching sport and tells you who’s been shit
Fuck You, Arsenal (and Emerson Royal)
Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you.
Arsenal won the most recent North London Derby against Tottenham this past weekend. While we never win at the Emirates, it doesn’t lessen the pain. I don’t want to see Emerson Royal for a while. A red card in a North London Derby is almost unforgivable. The game is too big. Individual errors changed this game with Lloris letting the ball go underneath him (Romero slightly at fault as well) and Emerson Royal getting red. Although it was soft, it was an absolutely brainless foul to even attempt and now leaves Arsenal sitting strongly at the top of the league.
In other news, Halaand scored his third hat trick in eight games, giving him a total of 14 goals. It’s unprecedented, the rate at which he is scoring. Maintaining this pace will surely mean Halaand breaks the EPL record for most goals in a season (34 goals: Alan Shearer, 1994-95, and Andy Cole: 1993-94). To make things sweeter, Halaand did it against City rivals Manchester United.
My initial prediction that Liverpool would improve has shown that I possess zero football knowledge. They are struggling at the moment with some fans calling for Klopp to leave. Ridiculous. Klopp is a top three manager in the world, let alone the EPL, and true Liverpool fans will stick beside him after he’s brought them their first EPL title in dogs years as well winning the UCL Final against Tottenham (fuck my life) in 2019.
Leclerc Pole, Red Bull Win
The Singapore Grand Prix is one of the toughest GPs of the year. A street track in the most humid city in F1. Add rain to the mix and only the most technical drivers survive to the end. Charles Leclerc took pole position in qualifying as he does, but yet again Red Bull racing overcame Ferrari. Sergio Perez took the win even after receiving a five-second penalty. Winning in Singapore and Monaco cements Perez as a street track monster. Lewis Hamilton had one of his best qualifying sessions this season as he started the race in the second row. Latifi is still shit and will most likely lose his spot for next season. Daniel Riccardo finished with a season best fifth place after failing to make it into Q2 during qualifying.
The Tank Begins
The NBA season starts soon and the tankathon will be under way. 2023’s projected number one pick, Victor Webanyama, put up 37 pts, four rbs, five blks, and going 11-20 from the field, and 7-11 from three against projected number two pick, Scoot Henderson, who scored 28 pts (11-21FGs, 2-3 from three), four rbs, nine asts, and two steals. Scoot’s team took the win, but the dominance shown by these two prospects will mean NBA teams shamelessly ranking in order to get the best possible draft pick, and I do not blame them.
Kyrie Irving and Ben Simmons participated in some preliminary games prior to the season starting. Simmons bricked two free throws and a field goal that hit Kyrie in the face. This team looks to be one of the most entertaining to watch this season, for both the drama and the unpredictability. We don’t know if the Nets will be good or bad this season. On paper, they have one of the best starting fives. Kyrie Irving, Ben Simmons, Kevin Durant, Joe Harris, and Nic Claxton. But whether these players are able to gel together is another matter. Coupled with Kyrie Irving being a straight up idiot, KD’s unpredictability, and Ben Simmons’ shooting struggles, we are all in for an entertaining season.