10: Join your Zoom class late holding an iced coffee
The rush of adrenaline you get from making a loud, disruptive entrance to a lecture is a key part of the student experience. Get that hit by joining your online class 15 minutes late with an iced coffee. Use a straw to obnoxiously stir the ice and ask questions that the lecturer has already answered. You’ll be back to feeling normal in no time.
9: Plant those trees that smell like cum in your backyard
Yes, they are one of the most disgusting smelling plants in the entire world, but dammit, they are key to the University of Auckland experience. Fill that missing hole in your heart by planting a stinky berry tree right outside your window. The putrid smell should radiate throughout your room and remind you of the good ol’ days.
8: Have a loud conversation while your flatmates try to study
There’s nothing like studying in the library when the person at the table over starts having a loud conversation. Bring back this nostalgic feeling – when your flatmates are focusing, start having a loud chat, keep talking. Get louder. Move chairs around. Once they send you a harsh shhh… you should feel like you’re back in the library in no time.
7: Put a fireplace screensaver on your laptop during lunch
You’ve spent upwards of six weeks with the people in your bubble, but that’s no reason to let your guard down. You can’t trust anyone in this town, kid. There’s no guarantee that they won’t attempt to take what’s rightfully yours. Ensure your laptop is protected from their greedy, slimy fingertips. It might make you feel a little more at home.
6: Make a shit coffee
Grind up one part coffee beans, one part dirt from your garden and throw $10 out the window. It’s the authentic shaky isles experience. Shit coffee
5: Engineering students: Avoid looking at your flatmates in the face
That nervous energy has to be pretty built up by now. Avoid eye contact with the members of your bubble. You could even try keeping a whole 5m distance from strangers at the supermarket – make them feel really weird. On the other hand, if you’re a confident Engineering student, flick an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and take Maddy out on a date. Prove us wrong.
4: Block all wall plugs and remove half the chairs from your house
The search for an empty seat, the feeling of finding a free powerpoint. It gives you a thrill. Bring the thrill back to your mundane life – block all your powerplugs, remove some of the chairs from your house. It’s now a game of musical chairs for you and your bubble.
3: Play bus noises on youtube in the background
We’ve all been there; some assignments just need to be finished when you’re halfway to uni on the bus. In between work and class you need to utilise every minute to be a successful student. There’s something about the worrying stickiness of a public bus seat and the bumpy journey down Symonds St that activates a razor sharp focus. If you’re missing that prime study environment, turn up some youtube and get a buddy to bounce their leg up and down next to you. Next stop: A+ (B-)
2: Make your own Shads Jug
Combine two parts cheap beer and one part water to nail the signature Shadows taste. Enrich the experience by downing it in one go and spilling half down your shirt. If you can mimic the legendary cheese toastie, with the same amount of lukewarm spots, you’ve nailed it.
1: Stay in bed
Set five alarms and then sleep through all of them. It’s too late to make the long commute from your bed to your desk. Let’s face it, most of the uni semester is spent in bed. Whether it’s sleeping, binging on netflix, skipping class or maybe actually doing uni work, it’s as much a part of campus as the cum trees.