As part of many university students’ journey of self-discovery and perspective-broadening, using drugs is near inevitable. I can confidently say that the first drug someone would think of when asked “which drugs do you want to try?” would be marijuana, weed, ouid, the devil’s lettuce, ganja, whatever you’d like to call it. For some, it can be done once because “I was just curious,” and for others, it can be used religiously. For the rest of us, it’s something we see students use in dodgy corners of a party and they all may as well abuse meth.
If you’re still reading, you probably have some interest. FOMO? Peer pressure? Boredom? A questionable way of running away from your problems? Maybe you read another Craccum piece that suggested getting baked is fun? Well, look no further. For whatever the reason, I am here to provide the means.
Thank goodness drugs have won the war on drugs, because most, if not all, students know someone who deals, or at least knows someone who knows someone. You can start by asking a friend—heck, even a lecturer is likely to know someone. Weed dealers are the most lax people on earth. At best, imagine someone who would go to the Burning Man festival naked and give away gifts advertised as God’s Forbidden Fruit. At worst, they are as high as the turtle from Finding Nemo. The lowest quantity of kush available is called a “tin,” which is $20. The amount you get varies by how generous your dealer is feeling, so maybe butter them up a lil.
Preparing for your first dance with Mary Jane is like losing your virginity. Your dank virginity, I guess. You want to prepare for it by having all the necessary tools; make sure the parents are out, and you’re with someone you are intimately close with, because of course this experience must be shared. Or, you could be stupidly crippled from 20 standard drinks and do it in a random bush outside a party, Casey. Be warned though: grass before beers, you’re in the clear, beers before grass, you’ll be on your arse.
Whatever you do, don’t eat it directly (unless it’s an edible). You will die a horrendous, writhing death. Just kidding! It’s merely a waste. There are a plethora of devices available, some of which include bongs, pipes, and rolling papers. For the most low-profile consumption, go to your local Shosha, ask for some rolling papers and paper filters, and you can fill them up with magic broccoli that you tell the shop assistant is tobacco. For the most pleasant experience, use a bong, which can be filled with water for a smoother ride, kind of like lube for your lungs. Though the device itself sticks out like a sore thumb, at least you won’t feel like you have cotton lungs.
You might feel a sense of child-like wonder, deep relaxation, creativity and sleepiness, among other things. You might also be overcome with an extreme conviction that you’re dying. You’re not, I promise. It only lasts a few hours—have a nap. Results may vary depending on the strain you have and the person you are.
Whilst I can predict what you will experience, with all things, the only way to truly understand something is to experience it yourself. If you could fully understand what it was like to travel all around the world, you wouldn’t need to travel. In some senses, cannabis enables a different kind of travel, probably to Mars.
Congratulations, felicitations and you’re welcome for your first successful tangle with Texas Tea. There might be some grogginess left in you, or you might feel on top of the world, depending on how much you’ve had. You might have had the worst experience of your life, or you could have unearthed a mild dependency—you do you, boo. Just remember: smoking weed isn’t a personality, so it probably won’t solve all your problems. But hey, it’s an experience for sure.