1: Attend the Toga Party.: Guaranteed, you can only do this once, but it’s still a worthy time. Ask any Second or Third year and they will fondly tell you of the time they got an Uber home afterwards with their handmade bedsheet Toga falling apart at their waist. It’s the one time you get to wear a bed sheet in the middle of town; it’s marvelous.
2: Throw up on Elliot St outside Bar 101: I am not even going to pretend I didn’t do this, just own your moment of shame. Start your Auckland clubbing adventures at the lowest point possible and buy yourself enough $3 cruisers till you’re sick of the place. Upstairs? Downstairs? It’s still bad no matter what floor you’re on.
3: Join all the clubs and never actually attend any events: Peak your enthusiasm with the exciting idea of taking up kayaking, declaring your political preference or investigating your absolute love of Dessert. Just make sure that you don’t actually commit to any clubs that require your attendance. Clubs are a great way to put stickers on your ID and try and expand your activities before assignments take over and suddenly you want to kayak away from all your worries.
4: Get Hayfever in Albert Park: Albert Park is a great place to get hayfever in the summer, or sit on wet grass if it’s winter. In between seasons, both of these things can be achieved. A special shoutout to the Queen Victoria Statue and the fountain that’s mostly full of water but occasionally empty; I’m sure you could go diving for some loose change in there.
5: Claim ACC for injuring yourself on a Lime: Before last week’s ban on them, Lime scooters were the absolute bomb. Fuck walking ever again. Faulty brakes however do make for a rocky ride and so for now, you might not be hooning down Wellesley St until they can fix the brake issue.
6: Go to Mission Bay: Mission Bay gets talked about like it’s the place to go, and it’s nice okay, go chill out there. Just don’t swim in the water.
7: Spend a fortune on second-hand clothes opshopping on K’Rd: Opshopping on K’Rd in its glory days was like finding gold. Nowadays, the opshops have become expensive and very mainstream and you’re honestly better to find out where your local Save Mart is and hit them up. They have much more than what’s on K Rd and at a better price.
8: Smoke weed on the O Rorke Balconies: I know it’s happening, you know it’s happening, it’s chill. Just don’t let your RA catch you.
9 : Burn your feet on the black sand at Piha: Borrow a friend’s car, drive out there, pay $10 for fries at the café and pray that it’s not raining like it usually is on the west coast.
10: Go out every Wednesday night: Only when you’re a fresher do you really do this. Fuck your 9am class on Thursday. Wednesday night is free entry and normally there are some pretty great drinks specials on.
11: Spot a Shortland St Actor: Shortland St Actors do exist outside the Shorty St Hospital and you’re bound to see one around soon. Just hope it’s TK and not one of the extras who got to play a patient that one time.
12: Drunkenly order a Big Mac at 3am at Britomart Maccas: Britomart Maccas after a night out in town is a sacred institution. Try working the touch screens when you’re drunk and ordering that Big Mac you craved when you first entered the club but held back on until it was the end of the night. Special shoutout to Chicken Nuggets at Britomart Maccas, 3am nuggets are the best.
13: Pay an exorbitant amount for parking in the CBD: $3 an hour seems okay to start with, but once you’ve been parked for more than two hours, $6 an hour is a much worse way to spend your Course Related Costs than on alcohol and club entry. Dishonorable mention to those Wilson car parks that advertise parking by the half hour. $4 a half hour is a ridiculous amount to pay.
14: Share (or don’t share) a teapot at Cassette Nine: Cassette Nine is cool, and those teapots are bloody delicious. Share your teapot and those little neon shot glasses with friends, or alternatively drink straight from the spout – no judgments.
15: Find a good car park to drink in when you run out of Course Related Costs: Bars are expensive. Towards the end of the semester, your assignments stack up and you can’t afford to go down to Roxy again. Your local liquor store has a great range of cheap and nasty tasting alcohol that you can happily consume in any local car park. C’est la vie.
16: Eat your body weight in Shads Toasted Sandwiches: There had to be a shoutout to Shads in here, didn’t there? Shadows toasted sandwiches are delicious, and if you have one every time you go to Shads in your first year, you’re well on your way to a good time.
17: Do the readings before class (and then don’t ever do them again after your first lecture): Readings are not compulsory and they don’t pair well with a hangover so just accept you’ll stop doing them after week two and get on with more important things.
18: Find a Microwave on campus: Any microwave is fair game.
19: Tell a Munchy Mart staff member you love them: They stay open till late during exam time and god knows when you need a red bull at 10pm; so do they. Munchy Mart Staff are the best humans and they deserve your love. Tell them today how much you appreciate them.
20: Fall asleep in the library: It’s just so quiet and so peaceful in there. The heaters are on like all year round so it’s very easy to just curl up on your laptop case and have a nap. Fall asleep to the gentle lull of Macbook typing and photocopier jams, it’s truly heaven.
21: Contribute to Craccum: This is compulsory. We are always desperately short on writers and we have a fridge in our office that you can hide your beer in between lectures. Check out our Facebook page and get involved! Plug over.
22: Throw a jug at Savage in Shads: Stop woah back it up now let me see that jug swing. Savage appears at Shadows every single Orientation Week and is an Auckland University staple at this point. Definitely worth attending.