I’m on a mission this week. I want to write a longer editorial than Dan.
I don’t know what he’s written about, and I’m not even going to try to match the theme this week. I just want to write more than him. This week I’m going to win, I don’t even have much to talk about, I don’t have anything interesting to write this week. If you take anything away from my editorial this week, take it that I won the battle, but probably not the war.
It’s week six and honestly, I’m just glad it’s April. March was a very very long month. We started the month with a fresh new semester at university and ended the month at home with online lectures and a nationwide lockdown. I hope you’re all coping alright. I’ve now got a newfound appreciation for Zoom. It’s pretty marvellous technology really.
I just looked and Dan’s written 250 words. I have another 100 words to go. Fuck.
I’ve also been doing a bit of online shopping over the last week of Lockdown. I call it ‘stimulating the economy’ but my partner just calls it ‘buying things you don’t necessarily need’. I don’t know when these items might show up, but I guess it’s giving me a nice steady stream of parcels to look forward to after we move to Alert Level 3.
Look after yourselves, enjoy your two week break. It won’t seem much different than your time at home during the semester but at least you’ll have two weeks to procrastinate your assignments until you leave them to the last minute.
Look, I’m not gonna lie – this week I’m kinda pooped.
It turns out studying from home is really not my thing. I’ve spent the last two weeks eating like shit, getting nothing done, and absolutely dismantling my natural body clock (I used to wake up at 6am every day; yesterday, I woke up at 12:30pm).
As a result, my mind is a mushy fog right now. I can’t think of anything funny to say. I can’t think of anything insightful. I can barely bring myself to type my name without any errors.
So, instead of a normal editorial, I bring you this: a list of people whose name includes the word ‘anus’. Enjoy. (Also, just before you ask – yes, these are real people. You can google them if you don’t believe me.)
Dan’s Top 10 People Whose Name Includes The Word Anus:
- Indian actress Anushka Sharma
- Irish poet Seanus Heaney
- Author Sean Usher
- Malayalam star Anu Sithara
- President of AENA Construction Eda Nussbaumer
- Country artist Troy McManus
- Former British MP Anna Soubry (look, I know this one’s a bit more tenuous but you can still just about make it work if you move all the letters around)
- Singer-songwriter Angus Gunn (the g is silent)
- 16th century Roman Catholic Bishop Julius Magnanus
- Devonport-based plumber Gus Hinganus
Think about how much these people must have been bullied in high school. If they could achieve great things, so can you.