I know, I know! To many of you, these words will seem crazy. As we struggle through studying at a university that hates its students almost as much as it hates its staff, it seems like shitting on AUT is so often what binds us together.
But it’s time to take a step back, we are blinded by Dawn Freshwater’s $755,000 golden rays. While we may feel like natural enemies, we Auckland few aren’t so different after all, we even share a land border. Indeed many of our students once went to AUT and many of us too may one day attend. Let’s be honest: as revealed in last week’s smash hit Craccum article, UoA stereotypes, we can be little bit up ourselves. Of course we are! The only reason we came here instead of enjoying AUT’s far superior buildings were those top rankings nobody except your mum actually cares about. God bless the marketing department. Just make sure not to tell your parents AUT has poached half the lecturers that got us the prestige.
We can still maintain this superiority complex, but it’s time to think bigger. We need to unite against the real menace, everyone else. Stop shitting on your fellow JAFA’s and remember what binds us together; the best food, the best LGBT+ scene, the hottest yoga mummies, the swolest gym zaddies, and most importantly a capacity to turn our noses up so high the entire country is constantly pressed about it. Not least of all the Critic Te Ārohi comment section, who somehow managed to get offended by an article specifically designed to make fun of UoA students. It’s high time we appreciate that while our student culture is on life support, at least we don’t have a butthurt culture to go along with it.
Rest assured that Craccum will be here substituting the juicy meat of student culture (getting drunk) with our own special brand of textured soy protein (light reading). With the largest number of closeted bisexuals on staff ever, Craccum is ready to deliver Auckland’s classic metrosexual charms; complimented by a general air of bitchiness. Our first target? Ourselves. It appears in our desire to bring last week’s smash hit & critically acclaimed first issue to the masses as soon as possible. We neglected to enable spell check. Sleep easy knowing that after consulting with several experts from across the university, and your mum. We are proud to present you with: Issue two, now with spell check! We also have a very special message to John Campbell Who, while he does command a large following of young fanatics, is not a cult leader. John Cameron is the man, the myth and quite literally the legend behind passion Auckland and It was actually his brother Brent who engaged in what some have described as a “nudity incident”. Unfortunately we made the mistake of eating hot chip while editing and were unable to prevent ourselves from lying. We hope you can forgive us but if you can’t, oh well.
It’s time to pull up a chair, strap yourself in, and get ready for the best damn 40 pages of your life. Welcome…to Issue 2 (unofficially the UoA + AUT friendship edition). If you’re unhappy with this shift in direction, please email your complaints to firstname.lastname@example.org 💋.
Artist credit: You the good people of UoA! We collected student-made badges made during O-week to bring you this weeks editorial.