CRACCUM IS ON A DIET! That’s right, In honour of food issue we’ve had a good hard look in the mirror, and what we found shocked us. Unsightly headings, excessive white space and far too much quality content from the student population. It’s all got to go! That’s why, with no pressure from the rising cost of paper or shrinking advertising revenue, we have made the unprompted and wholly original decision to move to 32 pages. I know some of you will find this shocking, believe us, when we looked in the mirror we didn’t like what we saw either (who makes this garbage?). But Craccum is healthy at any size and frankly you weren’t even reading all 40 of those pages anyway…
What does this mean? Let us first address those of you in business as I’m sure you’re getting bored already. Cra32um as our branding people like to put it, will be more agile going into this dynamically shifting market. Through decisive and hyperlocal reprioritisation, Cra32um will be eliminating pain points and developing more USPs to increase downstream impact; all while upholding the tenets of our UX bottom line. Big picture, disruption will be minimal as we roll out data-backed turnkey tradeoffs to future proof our bottom line. I hope you all enjoyed those last 62 words, as they cost us the rest of our print budget.
For the rest of you: not much is actually changing. We’re still publishing all the great content you love to see but packaging it in a shorter and sharper format. Much like polenta, Craccum will be dense, nutrient rich, and lacking in fibre (wood pulp to be specific).
But do not fret darlings, the change hasn’t sacrificed our dedication to serving you the freshest juiciest content UoA has to offer directly into your disgusting wet mouth.
We here at Craccum are very hungry and we’ve prepared a degustation feast of the finest student writing from across our campus’—and perhaps, the world.
Appetisers include the sizzling spice of ongoing employment disputes with a grazing board of gluten, dairy and meat free canapés to digest the struggles of allergy eating in Auckland.
Next, we serve you the perfect pairing to your awful time management with set and forget crock pot recipes—then you’ll gobble morsels of utter despair as we take you on our nightmarish journey recreating recipes from The Menu. It’s not pretty, but we’d like to see you do better.
Loosen your belt and make room for cultural differences at the dinner table while you chow down on some Thai Noodles with Fish Curry and Chicken Feet. Finally learn to manage boundaries as we deliver a crash course on Almond Mums. Saving the best for last we present a tantalising selection of dessert brain teasers created specifically to feed our most neurodivergent appetites.
Food brings everyone together and we want to make sure everyone has a seat at our table. So pull up a chair and tuck in because kua hora te kai! And as always, don’t forget to send all your juiciest complaints to firstname.lastname@example.org. We do read them all, especially the silly ones.
George and Mairātea