Let’s find the (c)lit for you! Tag yourself as a popular fanfiction trope for a personalised book reccomendation
Enemies to Lovers Trope
- you just wanna be thrown around a little
- you’ve definitely read a few Harry x Draco fanfics in your time
- a fierce debate on diametrically opposing worldviews just sounds like foreplay to you
- you fuck with Hozier
Oh no, the hotel room only has one bed trope
- a tad sexually repressed (you need an excuse to be slutty)
- the physical embodiment of this emoji: 🥺 👉👈
- your anthem is ‘Bottom Bitch’ by Doja Cat
- big fan of forced proximity; is there sexual chemistry or are u just in an elevator together?
Slow Burn
- you want to work for it; you’d happily read 16 chapters to get to that good shit
- Mulder & Scully from ‘The X-Files’ have your heart
- you’re the type of person to type ‘stable loving relationship’ into the pornhub search bar
- you have a fondness for the friends to lovers trope (u need to stop fucking the people in ur friendgroup)
Some sort of weird sex slave situation
- it was 1D fanfiction, wasn’t it?
- you used to watch Louis x Harry compilations on YouTube
- you would not be averse to a little BDSM in ur downtime
- you have a monologue on how ‘Watermelon Sugar’ by Harry Styles is about the female orgasm
If you’re big into the enemies to lovers trope, might I suggest: North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell. Perfect for those nights you want sardonic, intricate prose (but don’t feel like rereading Pride and Prejudice for the 500th time). You get a real kick out of fictional couples when you have to question whether they despise each other, or just want to rip each other’s clothes off—so this should be right up your alley! The great North/South divide in 1885 England means the characters have differing views on religion, economics and politics; the only thing they really have in common is being horny little Victorian freaks. Gaskell does longing and passion very well, weaving in themes of modernity versus tradition and questioning people’s capacity for change. Ultimately it’s the whole ‘no difference is great enough to stop love’ storyline (but you like that simp shit, don’t you?)
A few salacious quotes for ya:
“I know you despise me; allow me to say, it is only because you do not understand me.”
“He could not forget the touch of her arms around his neck. He shrank from hearing Margaret’s very name mentioned; he, while he was jealous of her – while he renounced her – he loved her sorely, in spite of himself.”
xxx
If you like a little shared bed action, Milk Fed by Melissa Broder is the book for you! Stop daydreaming about getting stuck in an elevator with your crush and just ask them out already! And you don’t need an excuse to be slutty. Ever. What better book to help you overcome some of that sexual neurosis than one with profound lines like: “I didn’t like myself enough to suck my own tits but I hoped to one day get there”?? Broder does a deep dive into female appetite: physical hunger, sexual desire and all the things we often feel we need to deprive ourselves of. The novel feels no reservations about being real (grossly so) but this merely serves as a vehicle for plenty of tender, funny moments. It forces the reader to question; ‘What am I being fed? Do I deserve to want more?’.
TW for the main character’s eating disorder; the novel describes her issues with food in pretty graphic detail and follows her road to recovery (pls feed yourselves well, kiddos).
Some cheeky quotes:
“I felt that our kissing could sustain the ritual of women loving women for eons to come.”
“There was a love that had always existed between women. It would continue to exist. We were propagating that love. It was radiating out of my apartment windows, through the city, across the canyons, over the hills, and into the night sky.”
xxx
If you’re into slow burn, I recommend Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen! As the OG friends to lovers classic, the book highlights the softness and trust that comes with being with someone you share true friendship with—opposed to the rough’n’tumble highs and lows of a passionate situationship. As a wise woman (Taylor Swift) once said “I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden”. Austen lays bare the love lives of two sisters (Marianne is your friend who calls you crying every week about whatever her shitty boyfriend did this time, Elinor actually has good taste in men). Whilst Marianne’s storyline is more about identifying red flags early on in a relationship (before he runs off and marries someone else for their inheritance), the meaningful and steady development of the relationship between Elinor and Edward will satisfy all your slow-burn cravings. Nothing good ever came easy—or quick 😉 and these two are a testament to the ideal.
Quotes to whet that appetite:
“The longer they were together the more doubtful seemed the nature of his regard, and sometimes for a few painful minutes she believed it to be no more than friendship. So she told herself likewise not to hope. But it was too late. Hope had already entered”
“I come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be…yours.”
xxx
And finally, if you are the fourth trope (you little freak, you!) I insist upon Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman. The book is so much better than the movie—No, listen: the BOOK is SO MUCH BETTER than the movie!! Aciman’s writing drips with that teen longing and angst only readers of 1D fanfiction could enjoy! His language is gorgeous, raw—and a little freaky (but I know you like it that way). Though the novel primarily follows the summertime romance between Elio and Oliver, it also commentates on how a meaningful experience can stay with you for a lifetime. As Elio remarks “He came. He left. Nothing else had changed. I had not changed. The world hadn’t changed. Yet nothing would be the same. We had the stars, him and I. And that was only given once”. As with any cumming of age classic, the novel is full of sloppy teen mistakes, pining, and sex scenes fit only for the bravest of hearts! Happy reading!
Peachy-licious quotes:
“If I could have him like this in my dreams every night of my life, I’d stake my entire life on dreams and be done with the rest.”
“I never had what you had. Something always held me back or stood in the way. Remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. Right now there’s sorrow. I don’t envy the pain. But I envy you the pain of a good love.”
