Lachlan Mitchell briefly exits from the haze of their Animal Crossing opium den to… talk about Animal Crossing
I’m, surprisingly, a totally new convert to Animal Crossing – I never had a Gamecube, never played the games that were on the Wii, and I bought Happy Home Designer + a 3DS for my boyfriend, not intending to play New Leaf myself. So the world of Animal Crossing: New Horizons has been a Fresh Experience for me, and I’ve only sparingly come up to breathe the corona-laden air ever since the lockdown came into effect.
So while the imminent Great Depression is utterly, utterly heartbreaking, I’ve been able to afford myself a little sanctuary on my deserted island, and proceeded to create a new life for myself, with the help of Tom Nook – my husband who I have an understanding with – and the copious and unrepentant decimation of the limitless resources of the Pacific. My character is a one-woman iron mine, forestry sector, textile centre, fruit picker and sole business of my island’s airport, if in-game mechanics amount to anything.
But no man is an island, however authoritarian I exact my rule through Tom Nook and Isabelle. While I’ve now become a success, it would be entirely lonely to be by myself, and the true appeal of the game are the Villagers, the sheer NUMBERS of which I honestly had no idea about prior to starting the game. There’s so much variety in just the ugly ones. Like, there’s a fucking chicken that looks like it’s wearing the Taco Bell logo as a helmet????? There’s a green pig named Cobb that is almost certainly an incel??? Right now, in the Easter content, there’s a hyperactive jaundiced bunny that the entire community collectively hates, but his mere existence points to the variety even in the most loathed of the anthropomorphic creatures of Animal Crossing.
While I’m here to gush about Animal Crossing, I’m mostly here to gush about the prettiest of those villagers in particular, the ones who truly make life worth living. No room for uglies in my post-scarcity utopia, sorry! With that in mind, I’m gonna recommend the top villagers for you to seek out, to make your own island truly worth forgetting the reality we find ourselves desperately hoping to black out xx.
Raymond: Raymond is one of those villagers with the smug personality type – they generally think they’re better than you, and are not afraid to let you know. Except… unlike most of the others with this typing, his design simply entirely outweighs any possible annoyance from this. He’s a grey little cat with heterochromia and, as many have discovered, a predilection for maid outfits. This changed the game – it’s hard to stay mad at a feline twink that wants to walk around in an adorable maid outfit.
Twiggy: Another kind of villager with their head in the clouds, except this little bird has every reason to live in the aether – she’s looking to the stars, because she knows she’s gonna be one. Or is one. The writers go back and forth on their dialogue sometimes. Twiggy is a wee little canary with an oversized skull who is resolute in becoming a pop star, and she doesn’t care how her default angry eyebrows impact that. She’s a queen with great makeup, and she has a permanent residence on my island, unless I go a little bit buckwild with cabin fever and kick out everyone.
Judy: LOOK HER UPPPPPPPPPPP SHE’S SO BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS!!!!! A QUEEN!!!! SHE ATE THAT
Cherry: Probably the most beloved of the ‘big sister’ personality types, Cherry is apparently a relatively recent addition to the franchise – while ‘recent’ means the last game over 7 years ago, she’s quickly become one of the most popular villagers of the franchise, and for good reason. She gives off a Debbie Harry vibe – so ready to tease you, kinda groovy in her dark aesthetic, but you love it. I haven’t yet been able to bring her to my island, but when I can, I’m trapping her.
Rosie: Look at her in that Azzedine Alaïa! Stunning!!!!! Probably the best looking of the original gang of villagers from the Gamecube era, and is easily one of best unofficial mascots; if Tom Nook & Isabelle are the faces, and K.K Slider is the heart, then Rosie is the wardrobe. Love her.
Flora: Look at this bird bitch! She has legs that the other girls in the animal kingdom are just dying for! Work the house down, flamingo queen! As a new player to the franchise, I don’t understand why God only uplifted some sections of animalia within Animal Crossing – insects have absolutely no cognisance and exist only to be trapped in a museum, or sold into nonexistence for precious bells, and only octopuses have been gifted (or cursed, depending on your philosophical bend) with the ability to make something of themselves, with all other aquatic life cursed to be nothing more than a frustratingly fleeting shadow that I’m gonna start trapping in my house if they don’t start biting my rod at a greater fucking frequency. But now I understand why Yahweh deigned to only uplift some, not all: it would be callous, it would be cruel, to make them stand next to Flora. What a legend.
Roscoe: Last one. I get the feeling from the fanbase that Roscoe is hated for some reason, but… look at him. Maybe he’s arrogant. Maybe he’s a jerk. But that chequered design, with the jet-black fur… I still want him on my island, and any complainers can eat shit. If you want him to chill out so much, then give him some ket or be quiet.
That’s it. I’m still very fresh to the franchise, and I still have so much to do (and so much defense of time travelling to do, apparently!), but these are the kings and queens that you should bring to your island if you really want it to look as good as your soul feels it should be. It might be a deserted vacation spot, but glamour never takes a holiday.