Why I’m a Dirty Fucking Hippie
If you ask for that plastic spoon, plastic fork, plastic spork, and then give a ‘tut tut’ when you see rubbish on the ground, then you have a newsflash coming. IT’S YOU. IT’S ME. IT’S ALL OF US.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the plastic epidemic: the growing signs of two minute noodle packets, turtle-killing straws, polystyrene takeaway tubs and cast aside coffee cups never to be filled with the piping hot elixir of life again. Well guess what – you put it there, I put it there, and there’s no helping it if we don’t make a change.
And I know what you’re thinking; ‘oh here comes another drawn out speech of save the whales maaaaaaan’, but you know what? This is about saving the damn whales and all the other creatures we need to share this planet with. We need to make a change so that the next time you chuck on Blue Planet and see humpback whales gracefully gliding through the ocean to the sweet voice of David Attenborough, you can sit there with a smile on your face because you are not a sea creature killer.
But how do you get there? What could you possibly do? Literally the simplest things you could think of. Now I’m not talkin’ keep cups and organic tote bags here people (not that they are things to be discarded; they are two perfect ways to ‘get your eco on’, but they are so 2018 and we’re gonna take it up a notch). I’m talkin’ about switching out your plastic roll-on or aerosol deodorant for the ingenious cardboard tube deodorant! I know I know, you’re probably grumbling at the fact you’ll have to buy one online right? Wrong. They sell them at New World, so get your arse over there and buy one the next time your loser plastic deodorant runs out.
What about that bloody plastic spork though? I’ll let you in on a secret of my own moment of embarrassment. I got Yoghurt Story the other day with a few friends, and when I reached out for that little, kinda cute plastic spoon, my friend looked at me and said “I have bamboo cutlery”. Bewildered by my lack of eco knowledge, I skulked away home feeling the heavy burden of that tiny plastic spoon. Now I don’t want you to feel the gut-wrenching shame that I did. So be like my friend, prepared for any occasion with her convenient bamboo set. Don’t be like me, a flush-cheeked plastic polluter.
But what’s that I hear? The infinite possibilities of eco-friendly bathroom products waiting to be heard by boys and girls on the edge of their seats? I mentioned stepping it up a notch, but this is going to blow your plastic ridden, chemical infused, animal tested rubber duck bottled shampoo out of the water! Introducing the incredible, fascinating product (you totally haven’t heard of already), the shampoo and conditioner bar! All jokes and rubber ducks aside, these bars really do work. Sure they take a little getting used to, a couple bad hair days here and there, and provide little added texture on your Monday mornings, but it’s all worth it in the end. Not only do shampoo bars not contain any shitty chemicals that coat your hair, but they also come packaged in cardboard, and are not tested on animals. A nifty extra – some of them are vegan for all the people out there who don’t want to steal from bees. And guess what? It doesn’t end there. Not only have bars been made for the hair on your head, there’s bars for the hair everywhere else, and I mean everywhere else. From shaving bars to pimple killing bars (YES!) to exfoliating bars and moisturizing bars, the list goes on and on. All these bars are really easy to find – sure, not all of them have hit the shelves in our local supermarkets, but it’s early days. Besides, we are the technology generation, so all you have to do is hope the fucking wifi works and you’re in.
There are, of course, many more products out there to replace current plastic monstrosities, but listing those would require a lot more reading than the society of 2019 is used to. The thing I really want you to think about (uh oh, shit’s getting real) is that each change you make, whether big or small, really does make a difference. We are the future of our planet – it’s up to us to decide which way humanity goes. When you’re older with a family, three cats and five dogs, do you want to hear the same things about the environment’s current state, only amplified? Or do you want to hear how all those little changes are paying off, and making waste-free living a reality?