Welcome to Craccum, where we put the “agony” in “agony aunt.” We’re not qualified to deal with your problems, but neither are you.
“How do I feel happy again?”
- Eat salt and vinegar chips
- Find some clouds that look like dicks
- Dance aggressively to Evacuate the Dancefloor by Cascada
- Drink an entire Wendy’s Large Coke (if it doesn’t work, drink another one)
- Watch Parks & Recreation
- If you’re in law school, drop out of law school
- Watch Step Brothers
- Listen to Don’t Stop Me Now
- Invent a time machine and go back to 2005
“Should I get a dog?”
Yes.
“Should I do postgraduate study?”
No.
“Should I get a tattoo on my face?”
See above.
“When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?”
I wanted to be Robin. No, not Batman—Robin. His sidekick. Even as a four year old, I had a very accurate sense of my abilities. I knew I wasn’t cool or tough enough to be the Dark Knight, but I thought I might just be nerdy and scrawny enough to be the Boy Wonder. As an adult, I have realised I’m more cut out for The Penguin.
(Side Note: My brother loved the Adam West Batman show so much that when our younger sibling came along, he wanted to name him Adam. Luckily my parents chose that name, since the guy who played Robin was called Burt. Having to go through life called Burt would truly be a curse.)