Which UoA Faculty are You?
You might feel aligned to a certain faculty at UoA by virtue of being enrolled with them already, but this simple quiz will enlighten you as to where your loyalties really lie. All results are legally binding.
You’re at McDonalds and your order is five minutes late, with burger toppings you did not ask for and lukewarm fries. The chatter is blaringly loud and the only seat available was right next to the constantly busy toilets. It’s a tough 12pm.
Do you:
a) Accept what life has handed to you, no frowns, no smiles. Just acceptance of the eternal cosmic joke.
b) Walk back up to the counter and, raising your arms high and deriving your authority from the Pantheon of Olympus, demand an entirely new order, with an additional set of large fries thrown in for ‘pain and suffering’.
c) Reluctantly get up and make a small complaint, smiling and understanding the pressures of peak hour at McDonald’s.
d) Cup your hands and poop in them, and violently smear your shit all over the walls, then get restrained by the janitor and scream that the bone vultures are coming to peck out the eyes of unbelievers.
You are desperately waiting for one of the computers to become free so you can do your printing, sweating nervously each time you look at your phone’s clock. Two people in front of you have been checking their phones and have not noticed that their login process finished five minutes ago.
Do you:
a) Light up a cigarette and blow ash into the eyes of some nobody who complains about smoking inside, and consider that maybe you shouldn’t have spent that extra five minutes crafting that tweet you just made.
b) Tell the distracted young lady that she needs to ‘look at the fucking computer screen, or I’ll make sure you’re looking at your phone through an x-ray.’
c) Politely ask one of the people if they wouldn’t mind letting you print first, as you just want to pick up your twins from daycare and this is cutting it rather fine.
d) Cup your hands and poop in them, and violently smear your shit all over the walls, then get restrained by the janitor and scream that the bone vultures are coming to peck out the eyes of unbelievers.
You’re in the club, and you’re living. Kylie Minogue is playing, and you’re getting an ecstasy high you haven’t felt in years.
Do you:
a) Go into the bathroom and inhale poppers, and peek through the holes in the toilet walls like Dani in Midsommar.
b) Change literally nothing about the above scenario, you haven’t had a break in 23 weeks.
c) Realise that Family might be revealing things about yourself that you didn’t know and run into the street to get some air.
d) Cup your hands and poop in them, and violently smear your shit all over the walls, then get restrained by the janitor and scream that the bone vultures are coming to peck out the eyes of unbelievers.
You’re closing up at work, and you hear a window shatter and some footsteps heading your way.
Do you:
a) Sit and wait for the intruder to find you. Not as if you’re gonna be paying off those student loans to begin with.
b) Grab some scissors and yell at the intruder that your faculty ‘has trained you to disregard fear, and feel no pain’
c) Scream and put your body weight against the door like a Final Girl in a horror movie.
d) Cup your hands and poop in them, and violently smear your shit all over the walls, then get restrained by the janitor and scream that the bone vultures are coming to peck out the eyes of unbelievers.
You’re in line at Event Cinemas with some friends, but no one really knows what they want to watch.
Do you:
a) Strongarm the group into watching Ad Astra, because Vanity Fair said it was boring and you want to prove those hacks wrong.
b) Convince them to ditch and go to Timezone, because your cold precision means you win the virtual stacking tower every time.
c) Watch IT: Chapter Two, because you need a good fright to take your mind off another round of budget cuts from that other clown, Stuart McCutcheon.
d) Buy four tickets for Joker, and then cup your hands and poop in them, and violently smear your shit all over the walls, then get restrained by the janitor and scream that the bone vultures are coming to peck out the eyes of unbelievers.
Mostly As) Arts, Science Mostly Bs) Law, Medicine Mostly Cs) Education, Creative Arts Mostly Ds) Engineering, Business