Whangarei

It’s very rare that Art’s editor Lachlan and I will find something to agree on. I said Stranger Things 3 was brilliant, he thought it sucked. I said the Office was iconic (fact), he told the Office fans to take a shower. Clearly it’s a tumultuous working dynamic. So ultimately, it speaks volumes when we’re able to unequivocally agree on something. And boy, have we found something to agree on here.

I’m not going to mince my words with this one – Whangarei is a shit town. Typically, if I were to express a strong opinion (whether that be favourable or not) in any review, I would lay out my points in a well-structured and thought-out manner to clarify my viewpoint. But let’s be real, Whangarei is hardly deserving of that kind of effort.

There’s a low-hanging rail bridge in the middle of the town. So low in fact that all it would take to get your car stuck on one side is sticking four Tongan flags on its roof. There’s a Genghis Khan in the middle of town. Genghis Khans should not be celebrated. They’re like the McDonalds of buffet-dining experiences. That’s rating it nicely. They’re more like the tuckshop at your primary school.

Why does the bridge have eleven on its side. Were they trying for ferns? It just looks like two ones. I don’t get it. Whangarei Heads is actually a really nice place, only ruined by the fact it has Whangarei in its name.

I can’t be bothered signing off. Accept that this listicle is over.

1/10: “Looks worse than Christchurch after an earthquake”