I had to last-minute replace a paragraph from the Arts Editor trashing the show to write this, but by God I will make sure this article is going have the intro it deserves. Hailing from the modest town of Scranton, Pennsylvania, this wild mix of characters has created a story that the most dedicated out of us have followed for nine seasons, through their rollercoaster ups and downs. So get ready, because we’re about to set you off on a thrill ride through their best moments at a pace of 100 beats per minute 6000 beats per hour.
10. Phyllis Vance: Received the Dundie for “Bushiest Beaver”. Considered the office grandmother, despite her proclaiming to be the same age as Michael. Possessing low self-esteem, Michael does something really sweet for her by defending her against Todd Packer. At least it would have been sweet, had Michael not admitted to getting a boner.
9. Darryl Philbin: Just wants to work in peace in the warehouse, but unfortunately is constantly interrupted by the likes of Michael, Dwight and Kelly, all pursuing their own separate agendas. Beloved by all his workmates, and as Michael insists on believing, is a master of ‘street talk’.
8. Oscar Martinez: (Shockingly) hesitant towards kissing Michael. Has a thing for Angela’s senator ex. Pulls out some crazy dance moves. Hates gay stereotypes and refuses to acknowledge being outsmarted by Michael. Surprised to have made it this far through his bio without Oscar interrupting to say ‘actually’.
7. Pam Beesly: The recipient of the famous teapot, Pam, is a core part of the cutest moments the show has to offer. Watching her character blossom from being a lowly receptionist, to attending art school, becoming a salesperson, all the way to painting a mural over the course of several seasons, undoubtedly no-one is more deserving of success and fortune than fair maiden Pamela Beesly. In one of the show’s greatest moments, Michael rushes to her art show across town after a desolate showing. It is a sweet act of kindness and friendship, which like anything involving Michael, is once again is ruined by him getting a boner.
6. Andy Bernard: Did he go to Cornell? Because he never mentions it. Nard Dog joins the Scranton branch after the Stamford branch closes down. Remembered for being in the acapella group ‘Here Comes Treble’, Andy brings his unique brand of singing, anger issues and nicknames to the office. Despite having his share of cringey moments in season 9, including a stint on a certain singing competition, Nard Dog redeems himself with a moving musical number near the end of the series.
5. Kevin Malone: The loveable office goofball who sounds like the cookie monster. According to Holly, he super really great at accounting counting. If anything, always remember the secret to a Malone family chili is undercooking the onions, and letting them all get to know each other on the floor in the pot.
4. Jim Halpert: Who hasn’t heard something stupid and made a face to an imaginary camera somewhere? As the voice of reason in the office, Jim avoids being ‘the boring one’ by playing pranks on Dwight, including dressing up as him, wrapping his desk and chair in Christmas paper, pretending that he’s always been Asian, and the ever-iconic Jell-O prank.
3: Stanley Hudson: As noted by Michael, he gives the office its “urban atmosphere”. No one gets as energetic as Stanley on Pretzel day. Does he or doesn’t he have a moustache? – no one knows! When not working in the office, you can find him on top of a decommissioned lighthouse, with a button that launches it into space. Whenever he’s on screen is guaranteed to be a heart-stopping scene!
2. Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute: survivalist, farmer, expert salesman, volunteer sheriff deputy and Assistant to the regional manager, to his constant dismay. Dwight often shares his Schrute family traditions with his largely uninterested coworkers, such as the Belsnickel, eating every single part of the goose, and beet farming, of which he is fiercely proud. In the office, he can be seen falling victim to Jim’s pranks, setting fake fires and attempting to gut animals in the communal kitchen.
1. Michael Scott: The mastermind behind such projects as the office cultural training, sensitivity training, and capable of an impeccable delivery of any Chris Rock set, this is a man who falls unfortunate victim to controversy wherever he goes. Sometimes you think its Michael, and then it isn’t; anything is possible with this king of improv. Remember, green means ‘go ahead and shut up about it’, orange means ‘aren’t you glad you didn’t bring it up’, and red means your Scott’s Tots lithium battery needs charging.
Michael is the pure definition of cringe, but for a show that thrives on cringe comedy, he is key to its success. With his heartbreaking departure in the seventh season, there was a clear drop in the show’s quality. The Office felt empty without his tendency to create uncomfortable situations, horribly misreference pop culture, and (without trouble) offend every single group of people he’s ever faced. Michael was irreplaceable, and so for our list, he easily ends up on top. That’s what she said.
Best one-off character
Japan Heart Surgeon Number 1 (Hide): Uh Oh! Yakuza boss die. I come to America! Darryl save life.
Honourable mentions
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration: Once paid $1000 just to hug Phyllis.
Creed Bratton: If that really is his real name.
Kelly Kapoor: “Do you have a question, Kelly?” “Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?”
Dishonourable mentions
Toby Flenderson: Literally the worst human being alive. Once interrupted Dwight and Andy singing ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’, which is unforgivable, in our opinion.
“Toby is in HR… so he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.” – Michael Scott