Y’all weird.
Last week, Craccum put out a Google Form asking the population of UoA to tell us all about their Strange Addiction. Replies poured in from all corners of the University: contributors on Craccum’s community page on Facebook (join us! Craccum Community 2021), and some absolute cretins on the UoA: Meaningful Confessions page.
I’m not gonna mince words—you guys are weird as hell. Without further ado, here are some of the best strange addictions in our community.
Yummy Yummy Eggy Lolly:
“Over a year ago, I stumbled across an innocent bag of watermelon-flavoured lollies at the end aisle of Munchy Mart. The moment they touched my tongue, I knew I had found my new favourite snack. Alas, when I returned to stock up, they were gone! I searched fruitlessly for many months, until I finally discovered them again this year. They’re called Damels, and they’re cheap. I have expanded to their pizza and egg imitation lollies.
I eat them every day. The employees at Munchy Mart recognise me. I’ll buy four or five bags at a time, and will easily eat a bag within half an hour. They fill my empty soul during the long hours of essay writing, but at what sugary, processed cost?”
Luscious Lolly Lover
Creep by Radiohead
“One time, this guy who didn’t know me very well said I was creepy because I always looked at him (Editor’s note: side eye emoji). Another time, someone I did know very well said I’m the least intimidating person ever. I wanted to prove at least one of them wrong, so now I hold incredibly long and uncomfortable eye contact with strangers at the Uni who won’t look away, in order to establish my dominance. Join me. Let’s make UoA lectures weirder than ever.”
Joe Goldberg
Top Achiever
“In second year, I had a particularly stressful assignment which I handed in on the minute it was due. I had been holding back tears, and I hadn’t slept or eaten for at least 15 hours. When it was done, I immediately headed to a free bathroom stall. Unfortunately, tears did not come. I did, however, begin to feel… horny. One thing led to another, and given how late it was no one was coming into the bathroom anyway. That’s how I discovered that a quick pick-me-up wank literally makes you the most productive person on the planet for two hours.
As it goes, although I had handed in one assignment I had another due in two days, which I hadn’t started. The bathroom wank gave me the power to prep for and write a quarter of the next assignment. Wanking as a study-break is literally life-changing. You can think it’s gross if you want, but let’s just say my grades are now… at their peak ;).”
Klimax Kid
Gushing White Liquid
“I find extraction and pimple-popping videos oddly satisfying, so I wanted to try it myself. Fast-forward and I now have a full blown addiction to removing whiteheads from my nose. Not just with pore strips though—right beside my desk, I have a small mirror, some tweezers, and a pair of whitehead extractors. Sometimes, when I’m feeling too overwhelmed by Uni work, I’ll put on a random YouTube video and set up a little station so I can clear out my pores one by one. Mmmmm, juicy.”
Dr. Pimple Popper
Rainbow Roadhead
“Once, I had a 2000-word essay to finish in 2 days, and I decided my usual classical study playlist just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I tried a bunch of study playlists like Low-Fi Hip-Hop Study beats, rain sounds etc. until I found it: this one Mario Kart Youtube clip titled ‘Fast Mario Kart Music | More Productive Work’ which I play constantly ‘til my ears bleed from listening to the same 5 seconds of sound on loop. I don’t know what it is, but nothing got my brain cells PUMPING like Mario Kart music.
The music is so annoying and mind-numbing that it genuinely makes you work faster because your brain is focused on wanting the horrible noise to end. It kinda feels like you’re having an anxiety attack which isn’t fun but it’s oddly motivating when you have a shit ton of work to finish. I definitely lose a couple of brain cells each time I listen to the 1 hr 30 min video, but hey, who cares when you barely had any to begin with?”
Luigi