Cameron Leakey has some strong feelings about Arnott’s Shapes. This week he ranks his favourite shapes flavours instead of completing his assignment.
It’s time for some serious, hard-hitting journalism. Arnott’s Shapes are the fucking bomb. I’m a big fan, they’re phenomenal. They’re a supportive and trustworthy snacc, when there’s one hundred people in the room, they’re the one that believes in you. With all that bullshit pretext out of the way, there’s a battle going on here for the best shapes flavour and we need to acknowledge it – not all shapes are constructed the same. I’ve compiled a ranking of the best flavours of Arnott’s Shapes. I want to clarify that this article is NOT sponsored by Arnott’s Shapes – however, if Arnott’s see this and want to send free shapes our ways to feed our very hungry student editorial team, we’d love you hugely. Just don’t send us cheddar – yuck.
Special Mention: Vegemite and Cheese
Before we get to the proper rankings – it’s time to mention a very special flavour. These came out as a ‘special aussie classic’ sort of edition but they’ve stuck around and honestly thank god – they’re really bloody good. Because they’re not a ‘classic’ flavour I’ve put them to the side of the rankings – regardless they’re worth the investment.
Sherry (Lifestyle Editor) says: This shit slaps. They’re the bees knees. The perfect mixture of crunch, cheese and malty salty tang. This is one australian visitor – unlike possums or Israel Folau – that I’m happy to snuggle up with
First Place: Pizza
Pizza Shapes are delicious. They’re out of this world, I’m levitating. These hexagons are the best hexagons on earth. It’s that pizza-y goodness, the crunch and the seasoning. Arnott’s really nailed it with these.
Maddy (Features Editor) says: These are massively overrated. They’re just too much, I can only have about two before I feel sick.
Second: Cheese and Bacon
A classic shapes flavour and a pretty standard choice – they’re the butter chicken of the Shapes family. You should branch out and choose something different – but god damn you just want the original mild and popular option. Cheese AND bacon together? Iconic.
Special shoutout to the rectangle shapes that are rounded, not pointed. Those pointed edges can do some damage.
Maddy says: Childhood Classic! I refuse to have them again because I’m afraid I’ll torch my primary school memories.
Sherry says: Unpopular Choice! They’re average. I’ll eat these in the playground but I definitely won’t scrounge them off the floor.
Third: Chicken Crimpy
Honestly, Chicken Crimpy is pretty good. It’s a savoury, mild taste. They’re the perfect flavour for a social gathering. Chuck them in a bowl and they’ll slowly go as the party goes on. No one will complain that you’ve brought Chicken Crimpy shapes, but no one will go wild either.
Sherry says: This is my second choice. The soft corners never cut the roof of your mouth and they’re that salty sweet chicken taste
Fourth: Barbeque
Yeah look, they’re good. I’ve ranked them here because they’re just plain fine. Nothing bad about them. They almost have a little spice to them which is appreciated from the Shapes range.
Maddy says: Barbeque Shapes are the perfect equaliser. They’re no one’s favourite, but everyone will eat them.
Fifth: Nacho Cheese
These are really delicious honestly, and I would’ve ranked them higher, but they aren’t a recognisable classic like Pizza, Bacon and Cheese or Barbecue. The flavouring is really good and I can honestly devour them in one sitting. To be recommended.
Sixth: Chicken Drumstick
Does this flavour exist anymore? I’m including it for that absolute nostalgia factor. They’re old school cool. They had this dark green packaging and the shape of the cracker was a drumstick, they were just effortlessly good. Arnott’s, bring them back.
Seventh: Cheddar
Okay look we have to talk about this – they’re sharp cheese rectangles. How shitty. They’re the black jelly beans of the Shapes range.
Eda (Visual Arts Editor) says: Yuck!
Maddy says: I really can’t believe these are the bottom of the list, I’m thinking of organising a mutiny for this betrayal.
Unranked: Savoury
????
This flavour seems to only exist in Australia and so I asked my australian friends for comment.
“You feel like you don’t want them but then you start eating them and you’re like they’re pretty good. I wouldn’t pick them off the shelf as first preference but you’re not mad when you see them”
At this point their flatmate chimed in with:
“Why the fuck would someone buy savoury shapes”
There you have it folks, probably not worth your time.
Final Thoughts:
Shapes are pretty good across the board mostly. They’ve each got their own personality and I admire that from my choice of crackers. I also vibe with Snax Crunches but that’s a whole other article.