Become the most annoying person in your friend group with a little bit of help from your special friends.
Welcome to drugs issue, it’s time to make some mistakes. You already made the mistake of enrolling in the illustrious University of Auckland, now let’s get you on track to catching an STD and ending up in the emergency room. Step one? You need to get laid, but that hasn’t been so easy, has it? Those mediocre thrifted looks have finally run their course and the unfortunate truth is: it’s time to develop a personality.
So how are you going to develop a personality in two steps or less? The short answer: Drugs; the long answer: Drugs and a membership to Aotearoa’s largest and most inspiring visual arts experience located conveniently inside the Auckland Art Gallery. As anyone with a home cut mullet and a filthy moustache can attest to, being a little bit artsy goes a long way. And much like buying some ADHD medication the night before your test, we can skip the long boring steps of effort with a couple dollars and an unhealthy disregard for our wellbeing. So, what are we working with? Psychedelics are the name of the game. It doesn’t really matter what you prefer—as long as it’s not weed (falling asleep is exactly what we’re trying to avoid here). As a quick note: LSD is commonly replaced with NBOMe by unscrupulous dealers, so get your shit checked, or you might die 😀
Going to the Art Gallery on an acid trip, while not for the faint of heart, is a transcendent experience. Robbed of your inhibitions you’ll notice everything. Each room will feel like a completely different planet, and maybe the art will finally make you feel something. I’ve often struggled to understand people who can look at the same painting for more than ten minutes and not lose their mind. Maybe it’s the ADHD, but I prefer to assume the art world is just constantly on drugs. Why would someone choose to paint something so clearly trippy if they weren’t moments away from seeing god themselves? I think these thoughts are the seeds of schizophrenia starting to flower. You often hear about people using psychedelics and then becoming convinced they’re in a movie, or being watched. Everything seems so perfect and planned it’s hard not to fall into this trap. Ultimately it’s important to remember that the universe isn’t speaking to you—the drugs are! So enjoy it while you can!
Tripping means you can sit in a room for hours and absorb every single detail. You will finally appreciate the connections between the different art on the wall and discern why the curator carefully chose those exact spots to hang those exact works. You’ll feel the artist talking to you through the painting, and maybe finally start to fathom why arts students want to study this stuff all day. But what’s most special about the experience is that it’s not temporary. Once you’ve seen the world through psychedelics it’s never quite the same again. Have you ever picked up a leaf and ever appreciated how green it is? Probably not, because you’d look just a touch crazy. The Art Gallery lets you gawk while maintaining a smug aura, and not scaring those around you (hopefully). Once you’re done you might forget what you saw, but you won’t forget how you felt, you might find yourself developing a deep appreciation for something you’ve never considered before, and I think that’s pretty neat.
People who’ve done psychedelics have a reputation for being a bit annoying. Inside every white man who’s done LSD is a Lennon and there’s not enough Chapmans in the world to take them all out. If you’re going to do LSD, don’t bother trying to discover the secrets of the universe—discover an appreciation for something new. It doesn’t have to be art, it can be anything you wouldn’t normally do, psychedelics will let you experience it in the same way a 2 year old boy experiences a digger (in other words, ‘uuuuge).