Hearsay! News without the facts: Cannabis Referendum – Everything You Need to Know

The government have announced plans to hold a referendum in 2020 to remove restrictions around cannabis use. The public will be asked to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a question which asks them whether they wish to enact a bill which would legalise the use of cannabis. But what happens after that? Justice Minister Andrew Little has released a document outlining how the proposed referendum will play out, as well as how the results of the referendum will be used to create a bill enacting this decision. Craccum saves you a reading and summarises the document for you.

What you need to know:

• The referendum will be held at the same time as the 2020 general elections. Voters will be asked to answer the referendum as they post their party and electoral votes. 
• The referendum will ask voters whether they would like to decriminalise the use of cannabis for those over the age of 20.
• Should voters choose to decriminalise the use of cannabis, any bill created to do so will include provisions which only allow sales to be made at a licensed premise, like out the back of your cousin Bevan’s flat, or your mate’s older brother’s bedroom.
• Any bill created as a result of the referendum won’t allow cannabis products to be advertised through conventional means. However, retailers will still be allowed to text you at 3 in the morning with “Aaaayeeee brother, got some fiddys of limoncello if you or your boys need it. Find me at Mi Casa dodging da po po. PEACE.”
• The bill will only allow consumption of marijuana to occur on private property or licensed premises.
• The bill will allow for limited home-growing, so long as you promise to give Andrew Little a cut of all your sales and steer well clear of his turf. 
• Different rules and regulations will be set out for medical use as opposed to general use. Medical use includes any situation in which the marijuana is used to numb pain: for example, living in Hamilton.
• According to your Aunt, the bill will include a provision that mandates marijuana injections for all children under the age of 10.
• When the first letter of each sentence in the bill is read, it will spell the words “HMU-IF-YOU-NEED-THE-GOOD-STUFF-X-LITTLE”.
• The bill will include a provision to change the national anthem to Snoop Dogg’s  “That’s The Shit”. 
• The bill will set restrictions on the amount of marijuana you can possess. A person cannot carry more than 20 ounces on their body at any one time, unless they’re in Hamilton, at which point they’re off the hook, because, hey, it’s Hamilton, we get it.
• Anyone who wears Rastafarian colours, has dreadlocks, or utters the secret code “I’ll tell you who the real killers are, man” when entering the ballot box will have their vote count for double.
• The bill will include provisions to turn the 20th of April into a national holiday.