A tough week for the Opposition just became even harder, after it was revealed to Chris Bishop he was half-Chinese at a Caucus meeting last Friday.
The bombshell was dropped by National’s new Deputy Leader Nikki Kaye, who was also recently credited for unearthing Paul Goldsmith’s Maori heritage.
It’s been a tough weekend for Bishop, who admits he is still adjusting to the implications of this unexpected revelation. “I mean, it all just came out of nowhere,” recalls Bishop. “She [Nikki] had a character card with my name on it. I thought she wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons with me.”
For Kaye, it has been a busy week, as she remains stoically determined on highlighting the cultural diversity of her shadow cabinet, despite criticism from Kiwis. “I know the public look at us and think ‘oh, there are twelve boring old white people’, but I want people to know we are so much more than that,” Kaye tells Craccum. “I mean, just the other day, I had Indian takeaways for dinner. This is the kind of diversity National can be proud of.”
However, various National members have been left unsettled by Kaye’s promotional tactics. “The other day, I told her I was part-Lebanese,” recalls a traumatized Mark Mitchell. “The rest of the day, she went around telling activists her shadow cabinet was part lesbian.”
Meanwhile, Chris Bishop, who has chosen to take the news with an optimistic outlook, plans to spend the future reconnecting with his repressed heritage. He hopes to one day visit China when the COVID-19 pandemic dies down.
“People tell me it’s a really beautiful place,” Bishop describes to Craccum. “Lots of diversity, lots of culture. Anyways, enough about the National caucus, let me tell you about China…”
Bishop has repeatedly tried to contact Winston Peters to discuss the culture in China. Peters has expressed to Craccum his mounting frustration from repeatedly reminding Bishop he is not Chinese – he just squints his eyes often as he gets tired at his old age.
David Seymour was disappointed upon hearing the news about Bishop leak over the weekend. “It’s gonna take a whole lot more bargaining for this MP to take a paycut,” he reportedly said.