Getting Roasted in the Group Chat: An Autobiography

The group chat is one of the most innocent joys brought to us by social media. Having bants while no having to get out of bed is in my opinion, the best invention ever. Unfortunately, social dynamics are also tied into to this, and on one fateful day, you will be roasted in the group chat.

Recently I got roasted in the group chat – shocking and brave to admit, I know. The Craccum editorial chat is going off all the time but the true disappointment of seeing myself @’d was almost too much to bear. Their beloved ‘Cum Editor’ was no longer a friend and colleague but a merciless beacon of entertainment. My high status as editor was ripped apart like a corpse devoured by vultures.

The fact that I have the power to hire and fire apparently means nothing. I am diminished, demoralized, a demagogue losing the attention of the people. I am not one to take myself too seriously or to be overly sensitive, but this moment was the death of my social like as a knew it, and I couldn’t have been more distraught. To watch what you hold so dear be taken away in just minutes is truly heartbreaking; I don’t think I could have ever been prepared for it. 

What did they roast me about you may ask? My last editorial. In true fashion I really did write it ten minutes before deadline (I organize a magazine not myself). It was true and from the heart, and I did in fact over the break, pat an animal. But like anything you start slightly too late, it or may not have been slightly under word count. I thought it would be fine, that no one would notice, it was close enough. Boy Howdy I was wrong. My dear, dear editors pointed out that there was only one column of text as opposed to two. Largely because I didn’t shit out a trusty old listicle that we love here at Craccum to make up the difference, as I may or may not have done in previous weeks. This week I have very carefully ‘assessed the word count’ to make sure there is at least the start of a second column so I never have to endure such disrespect ever again. 

Life is hard at the top. They will try and break you down, but don’t you let them. You will survive the group chat roast, more ruthless and powerful than before. Get petty and write a 444 word editorial, outing this behavior to the twelve people that read your magazine. That will show them.