A Comprehensive Review of All the Free Shit We Got from the Clubs Expo

Cameron: “Clubs Expo is a magical place if you want a whole bunch of free things to stick in your drawer and forget about. Shoutout to Student Life for giving me two right foot jandals. Really appreciated that. However, I did fill out their survey and put my favourite place as ‘Family Bar’ so idk, fair enough.” 

ACT Club

Dave Dollars, these being dollar bills with David Seymour’s face on them. I’m planning to keep this in my wallet along with pictures of my loved ones.

Lachlan: “I’ll be using them for trading currency with the raider civilisations that come after the apocalypse.”

Thursdays in Black (“TIB”)

A very nice, very well-decorated cookie and a cute badge. Keep up the good work, TIB.

UOA Volunteers and Conservation Club

A Starbucks voucher. Top marks for knowing your audience.

Princes St Young Labour Party

An apple. I think I get it? They’re red, and… good for the environment? 

Alfred St Young National Party

Is it meant to say something that Princes St is like 5 times the length of Alfred St? Their goodie bags were the bomb, I am very excited for my blue jellybeans. The Young Nats bottle opener is in my opinion some of the best swag you can get. If Young Nats know anything it is how to drink. A great bottle opener and I highly recommend getting one for yourself in Re-O Week. Further investigation is needed to see if the AUSA bottle opener can give it a run for its money.

Chaisma

Cameron: “Truly, you care about the people. Sick sunnies, a clear pencil case, and a pen. A clear pencil case is so ideal for exams, I appreciate a freebie I can use.”

Pro Life Club

Claudia: “Not exactly a freebie, but they did let us touch a selection of model fetuses. They were super squishy, like marshmallows. I don’t think this was their intention but now I’m even less keen to have one of those things growing inside of me.”
Lachlan: “I’m glad the Star Child from 2001 is still getting work.”

Sustainability Network

Free vegan chocolate-flavoured halva. These desserts are AMAZING. If you haven’t already tried their $5 lunches on the grass by the General Library every Tuesday and Thursday, you should absolutely do so. $5 will get you rice, curry, a halva dessert and a scoop of custard – all vegan.

Auckland University Chinese Students’ Society

Two Free Fridge Calendars! Craccum fridge is now nicely decorated.

Taiwanese and New Zealand Students’ Society

The Taiwanese and New Zealand Students’ Society offered the chance to win prizes from Lush, Gong Cha, Hokkaido Cheese Tarts, Gateau House, and more. How TANSA managed to score freebies from some of the most delicious food retailers in Auckland, I’ll never know.

Student Life

Jandals.

Bailley: “Luckily for me I received the right and left jandal (unlike Cameron). I love these jandals. I still have my first ones from four years ago. These are a legit summer essential that you can’t go past (worth the taking the survey).”

Hong Kong Students’ Society

Milk tea. Glad to see milk tea getting the publicity it deserves.

Meat Club

Meat. No surprises there.

Auckland University Students’ Association

Claudia: “A whole box of condoms, an apple juice, and a maxigesic. Have safe sex, stay hydrated, and relieve the aches and pains that may result?”

Bailley: “I managed to get one of AUSA’s sweet sweet tote bags before they ran out on the second day of O-week. The red bull was a welcome addition to my caffeine regime, but I thought it was weird that they gave us a second drink of apple juice. You can’t help who sponsors you I guess. If you missed out I wouldn’t worry. Last year’s was far superior with the winning combination of sweet chilli sauce, chicken stock and mi goreng; with all the leftovers hanging out in the new Craccum office in a room we didn’t have access to for the rest of the year.”

Literally every other stall

So many fucking starbursts. You want starbursts? They got you fam. Genuinely wondering if the Starburst company looks at their March sales and just wonder why they are so popular in a month with no discernable holiday. Mystery solved guys, it’s UOA.

Ultimate Verdict

Cameron: “I am on a million mailing lists and all I got was an apple, some jelly beans, 3 bottle openers, two right foot jandals, a foam keyring, a fruit burst, a clear pencil case, sunglasses and two pens. Winning!”