LIFESTYLE

I think my nintendogs are dead

Tech that has stood the test of time (and some that haven’t)

With each year that passes, I feel a stronger sense of camaraderie with my grandmother—who without fail, answers every one of my facetime calls by giving me a lovely close-up shot of the inside of her ear. Who can blame her? Technology evolves so fast and far in the mere span of a lifetime—one day you’re trying to get your head around Zoom and the next; Elon’s trying to micro-chip it or something. At risk of sounding like a massive boomer or worse—nostalgic: here’s a list of tech that has stood the test of time and some that haven’t (and some that really shouldn’t have but did anyway).

Disposable film camera: PASS

“It just looks so??alty”

By all accounts disposable film cameras are expensive, unreliable and bad for the environment. Yet, we, the student population, are causing a resurgence in film; choosing to document our Europe summers and bar 101 nights in exclusively grainy, blurry pics for Instagram. In fact google searches for disposable cameras have surged by 338% in the last 3 years alone. Whilst old school photography eliminates the pressure to take the ‘perfect’ photo—at $32 per camera and a further $28 to get film developed, only one question remains: IN THIS ECONOMY??

Nintendo DS: FAIL

“All nintendogs go to heaven”

Nothing makes me sob like thinking about my nintendogs; waiting faithfully, patiently, eternally for me to open a device I sold 6 years ago. The Nintendo DS may have become woefully obsolete but it’s one tech item I wish was still around! Maybe the Nintendo reminds me of a simpler time when all that worried me was whether I had fed my virtual reality puppies, or maybe it’s just because if they were still around my little cousins might finally stop asking me if I have games on my phone. Daniel if you’re reading this; I do not have games on my phone and no, you can’t use my 4G to download Animal Crossing!!

Tea Bags: PASS

“There’s just something about teabagging ;)”

The humble tea bag was developed in 1908 and refuses to retire. The UK Tea & Infusions Association finds a subtle way to call Americans lazy by writing: “needless to say that America, with its love of labor-saving devices, was the first to create the tea-bag”. (Personally, I think it’s very funny to imagine the Tea & Infusions Association coming up with this line in their weekly meeting whilst wearing matching monocles and sipping tea.) Since their invention 115 years ago, tea bags have been helping people avoid the awful dregs at the bottom of a cup (get that loose leaf shit away from me!) They make the tea making process quick, easy and mess free. Plus, there’s nothing like dunking that bag up and down in hot water to make you feel like a wise old woman or better yet—a member of the UK Tea & Infusions Association!

Video Game Controllers: FAIL

“My heart will go on but that Logitech G F710 Wireless Gamepad will not”

Can’t even operate deep sea submersibles properly; should be discontinued immediately (RIP)

White Pages: PASS (??)

“The ultimate OPEN book”

It’s 1880. You don’t give a guy your number so he just looks up your name in the White Pages and shows up at your home address?? Wait—what do you mean the White Pages still exist??

Kindle Ereaders: FAIL

“Makes me miss getting paper cuts”

Kindles love to boast an e-paper display but all that means is that you get to keep the worst part of a book (you can’t read in the dark) and miss out on the best (who doesn’t love that good ol’ paper smell?). Recent years have found ereader sales declining steadily because well, if you wanted to read a book on a screen you would have just downloaded iBooks. And let’s face it—what could ever replace the feeling of well-worn paper against your fingers? The sound of turning pages? With the earliest of its kind being recorded in 500 BC, books, as one of our most-long standing technologies, definitely passes the vibe check.

Clocks/ Watches: PASS

“So you think you’re better than me, huh?”

If I ask you for the time and you check a clock or your watch instead of your phone, I will immediately think of you as a higher being with your life somewhat put together. (Analogue clocks only people!! Apple watches do not count plus they’re ugly). But ironically whilst clocks and watches have stood the test of time since their invention in 1270, their purpose has shifted from telling time to status, and are more commonly as accessories or interior decor.