Who needs buzzfeed? Craccum answers an age-old question…
Describe your type by choosing an animated crush from your childhood:
A. Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid (basic, u like ur white boys of the month)
B. Shego from Kim Possible (impeccable taste)
C. Ariel from The Little Mermaid (oh so you want a woman to give up her voice for you? sus)
D. Scar from The Lion King (ur probably a furry…but a furry with impeccable taste)
If your friends had to snitch, what would they identify as your worst flaw?
A. Tone deaf: they like that you’re loud and bubbly…but maybe grandpa’s funeral wasn’t the time or place?
B. Careless: Google Calendar was invented for people like you and yet… u are one forgotten birthday away from getting kicked out of the friend group
C. Too friendly with random strangers on nights out: ur mates just want to go home (and dodge any potential lawsuits)
D. Kind of pretentious: they get it, you took PHIL105 in first year. They just don’t feel like Nietzche chat over bottomless brunch
How would you hard-launch a partner on social media?
A. Martini Launch: You confirm you are in fact fucking the mystery hand holding the wineglass in your previous stories by including their face this time
B. Dump Launch: Sandwich your new partner in between random shots that are clearly just there to make the whole post seem casual. We’re definitely buying it.
C. Vintage Launch: change your facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ like some sort of freak. You want the entirety of your high school cohort + your family to be privy to kissing pics. Bonus: cheesy captions that always say something like “sO pRoUd oF hOw fAr wE’ve coMe deSpite oUr upS aNd doWns” (????)
D. You don’t believe in hard launches. Or instagram. Or the capitalist ploy that is a relationship.
How would you best describe your texting style?
A. Unpredictable: It has been remarked by some that you are impulsive and should have your phone confiscated.
B. Chill freak: you respond to texts as they come in but you stress about piled up messages; what if all your friends started hating you within the two hours you didn’t respond?
C. Too much: you have never been afraid to double text in your life! You are enthusiastic and remind the homies you love them frequently. People who ‘seen’ you are on your hit list.
D. Texting back gives you anxiety in a way you can’t explain. Why are there people in the little box that want your words all day long?
If you got mostly a’s: you are good ol’ alcohol! Everyone relies on you for a good time. You are warm and loud and sociable and people like themselves when they’re around you! Sure you get a little sloppy now and then, but it’s only on special occasions!
(mostly) b’s are for bud: you are marijuana. Bit of a comedian aye? People love the calm energy you exude; you never get mad when plans fall through or friends run a little late. Your own organisational skills could use a bit of work, but hey that’s what Google Calendar is for, right?
Mostly C’s means you are ecstasy! You are bubbly and you love your friends! And your partner! And that stranger over there! You’re just rawdogging life and experiencing the highs and lows of every emotion it has to offer. Who could fault ya?
If you put the D(‘s) in LSD: you are…a bit of a weirdo. But people love you anyway. You notice things other people don’t, and you appreciate the small and wonderful minutiae of everyday life. You make your loved ones notice it too. When the sky is particularly nice, you will probably take 30+ pictures and send them to your friends.
