What Does a Girl Have to Do to Get Romanced Around Here?
Life can’t always be like Sex and the City, especially when you’re busy doing an assignment or cramming for an exam, but fear not—we’re here to help! You didn’t ask for relationship or sex advice, but we’re giving it to you anyway. Between the two of us—Samantha Bones and Cunty Bradshaw—we’re gonna make sure you have the best dates of your life and look good doing it!
Dear Cunty and Bones, how soon is too soon to celebrate Valentines?
Samantha Bones: If there’s anything wlw have taught me, it’s that there’s no such thing as “too soon”. Hell, have your first date on Valentines! Why not? The patron saint of horniness will be blessing your union. Though if it’s a recent fling, and you’re really scared of looking too desperate and needy, tell them you’ll celebrate Valentines “ironically”, then propose to them at a restaurant and see if you can get some free dessert. After all, Valentines is the best day to eat out.
Cunty Bradshaw: Unless you take the occasion super seriously, I’d agree with Samantha—it’s never too soon if you’re both just wanting to have some fun! Go wild—celebrate it every day if you want. It’s just a date and time is a construct or a state of mind or whatever. Valentine’s Day can be really expensive depending on what you do, and often places like restaurants can be booked out months in advance for the day, so play it smart. Maybe you’ll get a bit of FOMO on the day but also, you’d miss out on the busy crowds if you celebrate another day.
I wanna show my date a good time ;)—what’s a spicy date idea?
Samantha Bones: Oh, y’all are freaky nasty huh? Honestly, any date can be a spicy date if you’re brave enough. Go to the zoo and fornicate in the lion’s enclosure; finger them at the movies; go for a walk and slap cheeks alfresco; grab a drink and dip into the bathrooms. The possibilities are endless!
Cunty Bradshaw: To continue that list, do it in the backseat of the car, Titanic style. Car sex is a bit underrated because everyone thinks it’s a bit teenager-y, but so is 69 and people still do it—sometimes it’s just what you need to hit the spot. Would say that having sex in a restaurant bathroom on date night is pretty spicy though. Just need to be careful about how you go about it. I’d recommend picking a place where the bathrooms aren’t that close to the dining area and also probably a place you wouldn’t mind not visiting again (in case you get kicked out lol).
Getting my date flowers seems a bit cheesy… any other ideas?
Samantha Bones: Wrap yourself in a bow. You’re the present xo.
Cunty Bradshaw: Buy them a ring. Just kidding! But seriously, don’t splash out on a gift unless you have the moolah (in which case, why not get them a ring?). It’s really the thought that counts. Get them something small that reminds you of them, do some DIY, take them on a spontaneous trip, the list goes on. You can turn anything from cheesy to sweet and personal by just giving it some thought, so get to know your date well before you open your wallet!
