CareerQuest: The Craccum Edition

Here at Craccum, we want to make sure all our readers have bright futures. What better way to do this than help guide you through some career decision-making? Answer the questions honestly and we’ll definitely reveal your calling.

Questions

1. How interested are you in work where you complain about social issues including those perpetuated by the institution you work for?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested
2. How interested are you in work that involves writing creatively to try and entertain, persuade, or inform people?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested
3. How interested are you in work that involves you being hyper-sensitive of any criticism whilst being unwilling to take on feedback?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested
4. How interested are you in work that is deadline-heavy, fast-paced, and is the epitome of “diamonds are made under pressure”?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested
5. How interested are you in work that involves communicating with all sorts of people including many who are hilarious and talented and a minority of who ghost you for funsies?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested
6. How interested are you in work that requires you to talk shit at the risk of being hit (with a defamation law suit)?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested
7. How interested are you in work that encourages you show up looking hot af to compensate for getting flamed by your boss?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested
8. How interested are you in work that involves you getting off your ass for the latest and spiciest gossip (that you may or may not have instigated)?
   1. No interest
   2. Neutral
   3. Fairly interested
   4. Very interested

Answers

Career: University of Auckland Vice-Chancellor

If you answered mostly No interest, be on the lookout for University of Auckland’s next Vice-Chancellor on student job search. You’re a born pen-pusher, a due-today-do-a-bogus-extension-request-today kinda worker. You need a career that works for you, not the other way around, because you simply don’t give a fuck. A career where you can send your cronies to do your dirty work whilst reaping the big bucks is just for you!

Career: Consistent Craccum Reader

If you answered mostly Neutral, then being a Consistent Craccum Reader is right up your alley. You’re not fussed by the behind-the-scenes, you just care about what’s new on the scene—it’s what fuels your trek to campus to pick up a copy every week! Your CV highlights your diligence, your tenacity, and your ability to put up with some absolute bullshit. Your previous employment history includes ‘studentcoursereview.co.nz contributor’, probably.

Career: Craccum Contributor

If you answered mostly Fairly Interested, then the always-in-demand role of Craccum Contributor is for you. You’re full of ideas and have an enthusiasm for work that supersedes your need for money. Seeing your face in a little bubble gives you such a high you can only handle it a few times a year. You have a clear sense of who you are and what’s good for you, and producing something every week just isn’t it. Fellow employees and managers respect your boundaries but also see your potential so are always (not so silently) begging you for more.

Career: Craccum Sections Editor

If you answered mostly Very Interested you would be a perfect Section Editor. You said in your interview that you thrived under the pressure of multiple deadlines, but in reality stress fucks up your digestion and your ability to fall asleep at night. You’re a big proponent of type two fun and deLaYEd gratification, except you’re a workaholic, which means you’ll probably die before you let yourself retrospectively enjoy your career’s achievements.