The move to level 2 has graced us with a few more freedoms in our everyday life. The Craccum Team has been locked up inside, pumping out their uni work and weekly issues of the mag from their lonely home offices. Level 2 is a welcome change, giving us a bit more room to breathe. Here’s what everyone is looking forward to doing.
Cameron, Co-Editor in Chief
Testing My Alcohol Tolerance
I like a glass of wine, I’ll admit it. During lockdown, I’d have a cheeky glass or two in the evening, when the day had been a bit too long. But drinking with friends at level two (a small gathering at a private residence with only ten of us present), I found that my alcohol tolerance was dangerously low. I wouldn’t say I was a seasoned drinker, but I could hold my liquor. Now though, I’m halfway down a bottle of Sav, and I find myself feeling rather tipsy, occupying that giddy lightheaded space. Another glass down and I had to find a large glass of water and some potato chips. I wasn’t wasted, not by any means, but this reset has now made me the cheapest date ever. Now that bars are open again, I’m going to pace myself. I don’t want to test this tolerance too much.
Dan, Co-Editor in Chief
Eating Sushi Until I Inflate and Turn Purple Like the Girl From Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Sushi place down the road was closed. Now it’s open. ‘Nuff said.
Brian, Sub-Editor
Increasing Personal Brand Awareness
Really, that’s just a fancy and optimistic way of saying my name and contact details are stored at ten different dining locations around Auckland. This is like half my existing contact list – I’m too scared to answer any calls now in case it’s a contact tracer. The other day, I got a call from an unknown landline, and my heart froze until I heard the words “campus recruiter” come out of her mouth. I swear – for all of 5 seconds, I was cursing my trip to Dunkin Donuts.
Maddy, Features Editor
Fulfilling my Pinterest Dreams
My laptop was my most prized possession during lockdown, barely leaving my lap for the six weeks. The world was at my jittering fingertips, and I was desperately searching for social media that wasn’t spreading conspiracy theories about the virus. Thankfully, on Pinterest, nothing had changed. There was an endless stream of outfit pics, and my boards were bursting with pictures of casually dressed Harry Styles. I may have spent more time pinning sweater vests, baggy jeans and gold jewellery than doing uni work. But I had created a vast shopping list to complete when Auckland’s thrift shops finally reopened. The moment has come, and now I can dress up like a preppy grandma, fulfilling my deepest desires.
Lachlan, Arts Editor
Breathing in the 5G Smart Dust
There seems to be a strain of thought that Covid-19 is the result of 5G tower installations, or otherwise linked to the latest addition to our data transmission infrastructure. They are wrong. 5G is something else entirely. Rather, the blessing of Level 2 has given me the opportunity to run through the fields of wheat and take in a new kind of nature; inhaling the Chinese Smart Dust that now blankets our fair land, and letting the 5G transmissions reshape and readjust my body towards a greater purpose. Like an animorph, my body will transform into a beast fit for war, deception and greater utility far beyond the projected usefulness of my original human form. Even when I die, my heart will bloom with a thousand flowers and rise far out of my cold chest, and the spores will blow across the winds of Aotearoa, carrying the smart dust to the few who still resist our new order.
Sherry, Lifestyle Editor
Turning on my Electric Blanket
Does anyone under the age of 65 actually use an electric blanket? This non-insulated flat is starting to get to me, lovingly named ‘The Scott Base” by Craccum’s news writer. I’m tired of everyone saying I look cold in zoom calls. Guess what? I fucking am. I’m wearing two layered socks, and my flatmate is wearing all her polar fleeces. Are we going to turn on the shitty Kmart oil heater our landlord gave us? God no, you think we want to pay more for power? But I’m getting chilblains on my toes, and they’re always purple. I’m going to treat myself, and I’m going to keep my electric blanket on the whole night… on HIGH 3. I’m pretty sure that’s a fire hazard but god damn I hope my body goes up in flames like an episode of smexy Supernatural. Oh man, I just googled it and coiling your body up in electric the whole night is not good for you. Fuck.
Justin, Staff Writer
GETTING OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE FOR ONCE
I admit it, I thought lockdown was not that bad in the first place. I can get to spend less with no public transport and not spending on expensive lunches at uni, plus I can (probably) get some more work done because I’m in my own surroundings. How naive of me. The past six weeks can be summed up by the shoddy wifi crashing when five people are trying to stream videos at the same time and spending all my money on chocolate. That’s why, under level 2, I’m just going to sit on a park bench with a view of the sea all day and try to finish my work. At least I can breathe in fresh oxygen instead of the carbon dioxide produced by five procrastinating humans in one flat.
Eda, Visual Arts Editor
“Just browsing, thanks!”
I don’t know about you, but I found shopping under Level 3 and 4 stressful af. My local supermarket has a one-way path through the entire supermarket, which makes it impossible to not come into a metre’s contact with another shopper. Now I can stand in the biscuit aisle for a bit longer than 30 seconds – maybe even 2 minutes, to decide whether I want mint slices or toffee pops. With kids back at school, the luxury of slow window shopping is made even better.
