Sexing it up cum laude.
University students straddle two precarious worlds. For many it’s our first opportunity to experiment with the hookup culture we’ve heard so much about, and for others it’s the time you begin settling down into a long term relationship. Maybe you’re not even playing the game at all. A proud vocel focusing on your studies from the comfort of solid ground. Whatever your situation, sex issue has you covered, wrapped, and strapped for 30-40 minutes of mediocre thrusting, rubbing and occasional tongue action—if you’re lucky.
To start: we’re dripping the hot wax of knowledge onto your oily pimply back, and it says you’re horny. We’re also gonna go ahead and say it—you’re probably having low value nuts too. The grindset isnt for everyone but we’re here to make it easy.
Gentlemen
Communicate, you’ve probably heard it before, but that’s because it’s a big one:
If you fancy yourself the sexy silent type I have news for you: your fuck, sucks. Everyone is different and you’re not going to learn what your partner likes without a little constructive criticism. Going in expecting to give someone the best night of their life when you met them 2 hours ago is unrealistic at best; at worst it’s stopping your dick game from graduating high school, ew.
Stop fucking with your dick and start fucking with your ears:
Your partner can’t feel your dick so don’t gauge your performance with it! The Jackhammer is not for everyone, and those that do enjoy a more active experience, it’s important to build foundations. Based on Craccums extensive polling, if your partner is yelping, they’re probably not enjoying it. Take a moment to sit your ass down and listen (and then move it back up again, you don’t want to forget that). Everything you need for a good time is right in front of you, just take the time to pay attention. Don’t forget that this is a two way street though! If you have to announce you’re finished, you’ve got a big problem. Your partner isn’t going to know what you like if you don’t give them some feedback. You can ham it up a little, sex should be fun
Gentlewoman
PLEASE stop faking orgasms.
DO NOT give your partner the satisfaction of a faux finish. It’s much too common for people with vulvas to leave a hook-up feeling; used, kinda abused and with a blue clit. Faking orgasms only gives your partner a false sense of success and leaves you disappointed. The elusive orgasm is a gift, let your partner earn the big finale.
Tell me what you want x
It seems every time the girls and I get together stories of shit sexcapades and horrible hookups fill our coffee dates. While it’s entertaining as shit it’s about time you got your big girl pants on and started telling your partner what it is you want. It may be awkward at first but instead of listing every problem try reframing the narrative. Detailing the exact way you like to be fucked can be a real turn on for the both of you. Tell them how good it feels when they go slow, how their light touches drive you crazy and how a soft tongue on your clit goes more than a long way.
Who knows, they might be into the commanding tone?
Finally to our gentlepeople
Don’t try to be something you’re not. If you think you’ve got sex sorted in your early 20s then you’re deluded. Accept you don’t have all the answers. Life is about discovering what works for you and your partner, so if you stubbornly cling to what you think now you’re going to have mediocre sex for the rest of your life. Remember at the end of the day; sex is fun, have it with people you trust and alway, always, always wear protection.
With lots of love,
Your two favourite dickheads,
- George & Mairātea
