This one’s fizzy
Surprise! In what is a shock to all of us, Craccum survives yet another semester.
How lovely it is to be back on campus; endless possibilities stand at our feet. Why not take the first moments back to embrace the quiet and stroll through your favourite empty and abandoned hallways. Maybe take a moment of peace before noticing the burgeoning noise of first-year shit chat filling your faculty’s overpriced buildings. One could even take it upon themself to study the many strains of mould indigenous to UoA buildings. Take time to settle back into the monotonous grindset, these are the best times of your life.
While we were away it’s easy to forget the trials and tribulations of University life, some of us may have even found new happiness. Well, for those of us without the pōro to unenroll, Craccum is here and ready to deluge you with every minor inconvenience and petty issue we can think of. With the occasional meme.
The start of semester brings new classes, a fresh timetable, and the ability to catch up on those lectures you missed—by which we mean actually going to the first week. And if we could offer you any more advice this week; if you see someone selling paintball tickets, don’t buy them! It’s scheme week here at UoA and if you don’t pay attention you’ll find yourself victim to a number of groups. From unscrupulous paintball retailers to “not-cults”; ReOweek is a magical time where everyone is out to get you. Thankfully Craccum isn’t everyone and this week we have our crosshairs trained squarely on the Law school instead. (Page 6 btw)
Tired of not being sued we’ve tried our best to ruffle feathers in a faculty described by some insider sources as “fucking ridiculous.” Look forward to a trilogy of bullshit as we couldn’t quite fit all allegations into one issue. If you have a faculty in mind that fits the loving epithet above, then send us an email! We’ve got 12 weeks to go and there’s only so much time left to air out all your dirty laundry.
So what does the rest of semester hold for us? Well, in Craccum NEWs, we boldly embark on a journey to the future with next week’s TECH ISSUE. Tired of sacrificing trees all in the name of a print issue? Well so too was AUSA. In a special paperless edition, TECH ISSUE brings all an opportunity to contemplate our future as digital citizens. TECH ISSUE will be more than just Craccum-but-they-forgot-the-paper; a new format brings new opportunities. We strongly encourage you to watch this space by following @craccum on instagram and scanning our very safe unmarked QR codes
This semester also brings us not one, but two exciting elections. While the nation decides on its favourite flavour of white man, AUSA will be deciding who has the most friends. That is unless you🫵 make your voice heard. Take the time to practise your indignant rage ahead of this year’s general election as UoA votes on AUSA’s next executive team. Nominations for 2024 open on the 17th of this month. On an unrelated note Craccum is currently accepting donations. Teehee.
Here’s to a semester where you actually pass all your courses!
U da bomb, barbs,
George & Mairātea
