Do as we say, not as we do
And then the Vice-Chancellor spoke all these words: “I am The Dawn, your Vice-Chanellor, who brought you out of High-school, out of the land of uniformity.”
Then the Vice-Chancellor said unto the Craccum Editors, “Tell the Students this: ‘You have seen for yourselves that I have emailed to you from the Clocktower:”
1. Thou shalt attend all thy lectures, labs and tutorials.
2. Thou shalt not use Chat GPT for everything.
You shall not use it for research or assignments; for I, The Dawn, your Vice-Chancellor, am a vigilant god, punishing the students for their sin of academic integrity violations, light on first offences and severe on second offences, but showing love to the thousands of students who love me and bestow donations unto my salary.
3. Thou shalt not procrastinate revision, for The Dawn will not pass anyone who does not study.
4. Remember the assignment due date by starting it early.
At least six days prior you shall begin labour and do all your work before the seventh midnight, as that is the deadline to The Dawn, your Vice-Chancellor. After you submit to Canvas do not do any work, neither you, nor your friends or enemies, nor any tutor residing over your class, whether you excelled or bluffed it, unless you pray for an extension. For in six days The Dawn set the assignment and marked the assignment, made the lectures, and all that is in them, but She tested on the seventh day. Therefore The Dawn blessed the Deadline and made it holy.
5. Honour thy group project, so that you score well in the class lest The Dawn, your Vice-Chancellor, send unto thee bad karma.
6. Thou shalt not think thy too smart to study, dummy.
7. Thou shalt not commit plagiarism, c.f. 2 cuz.
8. Thou shalt not commit adultery, it’s just not cool bro.
9.Thou shalt not day-drink at Shads, get some help.
10. Thou shalt read Craccum every week.
You shall not covet your neighbour AUT’s student magazine, or their programs or courses, their facilities or events, or anything that belongs to your neighbour AUT.
When the students saw the piazza post and canvas announcement and read this article and applied for their student loan, they trembled with fear. They stayed in their rooms and dmed the Craccum Editors, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have The Dawn speak to us or we will fail.”
The Craccum Editors said to the students, “Do not be afraid. The Dawn has come to test you, so that the fear of The Dawn will be with you to keep you from sinning.”
The students remained at home, while the Craccum Editors approached the Art-Deco Clocktower where The Dawn was.
Then the Dawn said to the Craccum Editors, “Tell the Students this: ‘You have seen for yourselves that I have spoken to you from the clocktower. Follow these rules if you want to graduate timely; do not kid yourselves and think you can break my commandments lightly.
Make an altar at StudyLink for me and sacrifice on it your student loans as offerings to pay my salary, my bills and my mansion. If you cause your studies to be on the Dean’s Honours list, I will come to you and bless you. If you make an altar of essays for me, do not build it with AI tools, for you will defile it and I will check Turnitin reports. And do not go up to my altar online and post your private parts, for fucks sake.’ [Craccum, 4:20]
