Watching the first 18 Barbie movies in under three days
By-Line: Trevor Pronoso
Not a day goes by where the stinging rays of the sun piercing my pupils—pupils that for 72
hours had been subject to a cascading stream of Barbie flicks one after another—render my vision completely saturated by a photonic polka dot lattice of pulsating Barbie pink.
I jokingly pitched this idea to Kieran Panui and unknowingly realised I’d gorilla glued my ass to the office chairs, leaving me mostly immobile and mildly blood-clotted in my unstretched legs as I braved these Mattel movies one by one on a borrowed MacBook.
But don’t mistake this highly avoidable act of masochism as malice misdirected. It slowly reveal to me the secrets of the universe; the secret to becoming your truest self no matter how much others say otherwise. In the fantasy-filled universe of Barbie, friendship, sacrifice and unwavering loyalty grant you the keys to the kingdom. In fact, it’s one’s destiny to reach these positive personalities one way or another. It is indeed Barbie’s destiny to become a capital-G “Good” Person.
Here are the first 18 chapters of the Genesis of Barbie on celluloid.
80s Barbie
Barbie and the Rockers: Out of This World (1987)
Barbie and the Sensations: Rockin’ Back to Earth (1987)
And so it begins; we first catch a glimpse of our pink protagonist as a supercharged sensation, a rambunctious rocker on the music stage. In this two-part straight to VHS TV movie special, frontwoman Barbie and her bandmates, “The Rockers”, girlboss the music industry so hard they’ve achieved Taylor Swift-levels of musical world domination. To cap off her world tour, she decides to drop the “world” and instead holds the first ever concert in outer space. With snazzy synths, glittery guitars, shiny space elevators that bloom into the shape of a flower, and musical numbers that emphasise the power of friendship, looking fashionable as fuck. Always reaching for the stars, no matter who or where you are, 80’s rock pop Barbie truly has the world within her palm, and graciously blows it a kiss.
Tchaikovsky ballets
Barbie in the Nutcracker (2001)
Barbie of Swan Lake (2003)
After a 14-year cinematic lull, Barbie breaks out of the two-dimensional animation style of the 80s and into the thrumming tactility of 3D animated, motion-captured ballets of Tchaikovsky. Barbie was tailor-made to don the dancing slippers of The Nutcracker’s courageous Clara, of Swan Lake’s devoted Odette. Though these ballets effervesce a particularly soft, chaste, and innocent view of femininity, the level of self- sacrifice that Barbie undergoes—walking in the line of fire, transforming into a literal swan—speaks to the rock-solid composure and cast-iron character of Barbie amidst certaindeath. She stares into the void and responds with a smile.
Literary adaptations
Barbie as Rapunzel (2002)
Barbie as The Princess & the Pauper (2004)
Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses (2006)
Barbie in A Christmas Carol (2008)
Barbie Presents: Thumbelina (2009)
Barbie and the Three Musketeers (2009)
What I like about most of the Barbie movies is that they employ a “story within a story conceit, wherein Barbie narrates to her younger sister Kelly the fantastical stories of the Brothers. This subsequently plays out for the rest of the movie within these stories’ worlds. Ideas such as self-expression without reticence (Rapunzel, 12 Dancing Princesses), the dual imperatives of class consciousness and praxis (Princes and the Pauper, A Christmas Carol), feminine solidarity against the patriarchy (Three Musketeers), and the urgency of environmental preservation against rampant industrial expansion (Thumbelina) become augmented by Barbie’s almost stubborn predilection to help others and valuing camaraderie over individualism. Barbie asks us to confront our inhibitions with self-reflection, with wonderment towards the unshakable universal truths that matter to us and have permeated then and now.
Fairytopia
Barbie: Fairytopia (2005)
Barbie Fairytopia: Mermaidia (2006)
Barbie Fairytopia: Magic of the Rainbow (2007)
Barbie Mariposa (2008)
This is where Barbie’s previously conventional direction of heightened-reality, confluence of materiality, and magic begin to flutter over towards the flights of fancies, fluffy flora, and fauna of Fairytopia. Within this vast fantasy world filled with gigantic flowers and miniscule fairies lies our protagonist, Elina, a fairy inhabiting the Magic Meadow. However, she garners the ire and social ridicule of her fellow fairies for the one trait (or lack thereof) she exhibits: she is wingless. The Fairytopia films holistically, are almost always narratively structured as epic odysseys that see Elina and her sidekick Bibble starting from Point A to navigating numerous labyrinthine biomes to arrive at Point B. Along the way, she encounters multiple friendly fairies, animal sidekicks, mermaids that inhabit the underwater kingdom of Mermaidia, and tiny green troll minions under the indenturedservitude of Barbie’s first recurring antagonist, the evil fairy Laverna. Thanks to the ol’reliable power of friendship, as well as the ungodly amount of tolerance and forgiveness she has for the fairies that have bullied her throughout her life, Elina manages to defeat Laverna three times and live to tell a whole ‘nother story (stories within stories, WowWee).
Fairytopia is for you fantasy franchise fiends and Tinker Bell truthers out there.
The Unique Barbies
Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus (2005)
The Barbie Diaries (2006)
Barbie as the Island Princess (2007)
Barbie and the Diamond Castle (2008)
To be completely honest, my favourite Barbie movies fall under this uncategorizable group here. They stand on their own stories, proudly different from everyone else. Whether it be exploring the consequences of white imperialism and hybridised identity/culture (Island Princess), the unforgiving material hardships of a career in the arts (Diamond Castle), the travails and triumphs of a teenage Barbie in a wholesomely sincere and optimistic “teen movie” genre flick against the milieu of an irony-poisoned 2000s post-Gen-X youth generation (Barbie Diaries), or having the most despicable villain of all the Barbie movies (Pegasus’ womanising, harem-having incel called Wenlock), the thematic range is surprisingly vast if one gives themselves the humility and patience to take these girly “kids movies” seriously.
Unlike most “cinematic universes”, Barbie, strictly as a character/protagonist in the movies, does not have her own static “world” or “lore” that other movies must abide to. There is no single story to Barbie, no Uncle Bens, no archvillains, no canon events that define her.
Barbie is not just a “person”; she is an ideal, an “entity”, for girls, women, artists, outcasts, downtroddens, and all others who gravitate to her positive can-do aura. They project their aspirations, their dreams, the ideal image of their best self that one can be. She can be a popstar, a princess, a fairy, a mermaid, a petrified preteen, a friend, or older sister. She represents all these identities all at once. Ostracised and opposed, yet fortuitous and forward-looking. She is singular, yet fluid. Highs-and-lows-galore, Barbie remains “Barbie” forevermore. We define Barbie the same way we’d like to define ourselves, our own terms of “being”. We ought to be our truest selves, we ought to be like Barbie.
My eyes are now strained and dry like plastic. It’s fantastic!
